7/21/10

Love. raining love......

I have a new approach lately towards my son's tantrums that has made a HUGE difference in both his 'recovery' time and my sanity. For all parents out there with little, little ones.....just wait.....tantrums from a coherent 5 year old can be very stressful if you do not have the right approach and mindset.
Back to my discovery. A year back my husband and I had read, The Parent's Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents by William Martin and in it there were many golden nuggets of knowledge. A MUST read for all parents. One particular 'nugget' I remember is the one that reminds parents that in each child in them has a proverbial diamond and that no matter what happens on the surface, tantrums, bad behavior, etc....we need to address that diamond aspect and not the ugly behavior that is being exhibited at the moment. In doing that you make sure not to damage fundamental nature of who they are in addressing the bad behavior.

Today for example, Luke wanted another veggie burger. He's been an eating machine lately. He had already eaten tons of food and he often feels sick from overeating so I said, "we'll wait 10 minutes and if you still want another veggie burger after 10 minutes, you can have one. " You'd think I said "no more toys ever", he threw a tantrum. After doing some time in time out in his room and doing some apologizing for some words he yelled at us, I went up to him and explained that I loved him and it was important for me to not have him feel sick as he has in the past and that my job as a parent was to protect him always. He listened and understood and I could see him soften as I spoke with loving words. Now every time he lands in time out I make sure to take the time AFTER to explain that it's not about US (meaning dad and I) wanting to simply control everything as he claims, but safety, and his well being is our guiding post. It all comes back to love....and I so love this boy......as I say to him daily, he's "my favorite little boy in the whole wide world."


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