Diary of a Social Art-tivist Mommy: feminism

Showing posts with label feminism. Show all posts

11/8/14

Let Girls be Girls Damn It!

This is a response to a video supposedly created to empower girls to like more science. It was made by a female engineer that felt too few women were in the field. You can find the original post HERE.

I think girls just like different things....Nora likes easthetics, animals, is very keen on relationships, endless chatter with friends, graceful movement, etc. Luke, on the other hand, likes science, learning about the best of the best in all sports, large rough movements, running, being loud, climbing to the top of anything, racing, competing, roughhousing, AND reading about all of the above, etc. This video makes me think that if only we made girls more like boys, but how about making girls more like girls??I Interpersonal relationships, social relationships, all these skills could easily be our future peace talks leaders, our diplomats, our marriage counselors, we have our strengths too. It's should not be about "ripping away" the princess from the girl, it's should be about valuing what girls value and making girls away that those gifts have value. Nora went through a "pink stage" and so many moms would comment on it as a problem, they even gave her anti-princess books to make her become more, "empowered", to wash away the pink essentially; as if I made her this way, AND as if it was a problem. I did not put it there so I treated it as it was, a stage. so I think the video is not really looking at girls and who they are, what they are interested in, and yes, it may not be THE SAME thing boys like, and that should be okay. I empower my daughter every day by simply allowing her to define herself...limiting external images of girls/women as much as a I can in this modern world and what comes out can't help to be just fine.

9/12/10

The Feminist Princess

My daughter, who is three has been very obsessed with her princess dresses these days. There is literally not one day where she does not wear one of her pink, purple or white cake dresses to run the simplest of errands. One can no longer just 'slip something on the kids' and run out to take out the recycling. No!! Princess must not only put on her huge taffeta dress, but also buckle on her sparkly red shoes.

Regardless of the fact that she is only 3 years old and her reasons for wanting to be a princess are as pure as mountain water, I have been getting some very colorful reactions to her choice of dress. I have had people smile huge smiles and extend a few words of warmth her way as we pass by, and on the other hand, I've had people comment about how 'distorted' it all is; insinuating somehow that it's an imbalance and an unhealthy dependence on looks that could do nothing but damage the child in the end.

Having attended an all-girl's high school and an all-woman's college I am no stranger to all the rhetoric behind what a 'progressive' woman should and should not do to escape the fangs of oppression. I had once, in college, even subscribed to a strict 'feminist' ideas of not shaving my legs, refused to wear makeup and dresses. But it was very soon after that I realized I did not need to do or cease doing anything to prove I am a 'modern woman'. I can still shave, wear makeup, cook dinner. The very freedom to choose what lifestyle is the goal we all should aim towards as a mature and free society. Being aware of oppression towards woman does not require one to abandon womanhood as spelled out by the mainstream society. It happens that not only liked, but I LOVED to shave my legs, I loved wearing eye makeup and dresses and skirts and I did not feel an ounce of oppression from following my choices.

Therefore, when I see my daughter wanting to wear a dress that looks like a cake every single day I allow and openly encourage her CHOICE to do what she pleases with her body. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her following her own creative ideas of what beauty is and trying to match it through her wares.

I am not in the least worried about her princess obsession possibly causing any imbalances in her life. Ultimately, the MOST important factor in raising children successfully has nothing to do with clothing or makeup but the amount of quality time dedicated to the parent-child relationship by the parent. Kids know they are loved, wanted and of value the more time a parent dedicates to them. You could give your child millions of dollars, or give them everything they could ever ask for all the way up to a free college education. But it's only when you put in some hard time with this child that they KNOW they have value. It is the golden gift and only a parent has the touch or the ability to give it.

We are sure that one day she will be a strong woman with very clear sense of her own strengths physically, emotionally, socially and psychologically because daily we prioritize spending time with her (and her brother) over anything else in the world.

Nothing else is as important as "us" functioning as a family, and they know it. All other factors are water under the bridge.

9/7/10

Nora getting ready for a playdate (with a boy)

I was never one of those moms that dreamed of having a daughter wear cake dressed and pink bandannas. If anything, I intended to fully raise my daughter in my son's hand-me-downs and maybe at some point even photo shop the photos pink later....(kidding on that). But seriously, Never in a million years did I think I'd be dealing with so many cake-dresses, or pink everythings.

This morning, she had a play date with a friend's son and the minute she found out he was coming over she ran to get her "princess dress" and wanted her hair to be us. I am not at all worried or concerned. Instinctually, I know that the spirit of a child must be allowed to run free no matter where it leads. Ultimately all I can do is remind her every day that I think she is beautiful even without her 'princess dress" and list to her daily all the ways that she is special that have nothing to do with her looks.

2/19/09

Jogging Again!

I am very excited to announce that I have started jogging again. I have always loved exercise and the way it made me feel afterwards. When I was younger I would run 6 miles almost every day. In college I also jogged, although not as obsessively as in my teens. Yet, come motherhood and after two c-sections something changed in the way I saw myself. The reasons behind such changes are too tangled and deeply rooted in my subconscious to bother going into in great detail, yet I generally felt a disconnect with my body, particularly my lower stomach muscles where the cuts were made and no matter what I felt weak. Feeling strong and able is one of those feelings you naturally get when you exercise regularly, and I did not feel that anymore. It's not a feeling you can just turn on or off apparently. I just could not think of myself as strong. I felt fundamentally weaker to the core.

Interestingly, these days I feel the beter living in my body than I ever had than I did in high school where I weighed 120 lbs. (which would be a dream come true now). In high school, I felt just miserable about my weight. I went to a high school in NYC where fashion and super-skinny was the fad. If I could only go back and actually enjoy my body then I would do it just to see what it would feel like to be there and feel fine. As a 35 year-old I do not intend on feeling bad about my body now no matter what I weigh. The me inside will shine through regardless.

I am reminded of a woman who once posed nude for a drawing class I took in college. She disrobed and revealed a beautiful overweight figure and did it with pride. This blew me away. I then knew instantly that what one felt about themselves had nothing to do with weight....but what was going on between your ears; your thoughts. Since then whenever I revert to my self-deprecating thoughts, I'd invoke her image and imagined myself as her, proud and just loving my curves!

Having a daughter I will make sure she knows she is whole and perfect in her body. I will also work on my personal body issues so that she does not ever have to grow thinking she's lacking anything as I did in my body.

Gotta go jogging.....