30 something in America.......

While I was pregnant with my first son who is now 5, my husband confessed to me that until our pregnancy he has never noticed one pregnant women; itwas like they had never been in his radar. I first did not believe him. "A fully grown man? never seen a pregnant women?" Surely that was not possible. But he was dead serious. It's no surprise that new life experiences ultimately open up new types of relationships and social possibilities as our pregnancy did for him. Suddenly, he saw pregnant women everywhere; in the market, in the elevators, next door, etc.

Similarly, after being the first woman to get pregnant in a teaching staff of fairly young single colleagues, I too noticed new types of people that I had not even noticed before; younger mothers, older mothers, and even grandmas. Having a 'family' opened me up to all new types of people and new ideas. It was the Renaissance of my life....a deep soulful awakening to all of humanity.

I am not surprised therefore when there are people in my life whom I see daily for over a year and choose to not address me in even the most mundane of pleasantries. I get it and do not spend a minute chewing it. For I too use to be there and know it's not an intentional type exclusion, but a purely experiential consequence of of a young mind. I too use to see and read the world through my own vocabulary and ignore all the other 'life' that revolved around me. It's what youth is all about in America and that is what we do as a 'modern' culture.

The fact that two people lack social or familial situations in common use to not be an impediment for social connection. Yet, in America it seems to be a huge and almost impenetrable wall for most. Although I know better than to take this situation personally, I find this a very sad and unfortunate consequence of an ego-centric American culture which emphasizes competition and cheap leadership based on pushing others down in order to elevate the few. Each generation misses out the gifts and expertise from the last generation and exists absolutely disconnected from one another. In addition, each new fresh generation dispossesses the last from its most valuable gift, experience, by simply ignoring it. YET, by doing so also sets in motion how they themselves will be treated when they too become 'old and wise.'

The Feminist Princess

My daughter, who is three has been very obsessed with her princess dresses these days. There is literally not one day where she does not wear one of her pink, purple or white cake dresses to run the simplest of errands. One can no longer just 'slip something on the kids' and run out to take out the recycling. No!! Princess must not only put on her huge taffeta dress, but also buckle on her sparkly red shoes.

Regardless of the fact that she is only 3 years old and her reasons for wanting to be a princess are as pure as mountain water, I have been getting some very colorful reactions to her choice of dress. I have had people smile huge smiles and extend a few words of warmth her way as we pass by, and on the other hand, I've had people comment about how 'distorted' it all is; insinuating somehow that it's an imbalance and an unhealthy dependence on looks that could do nothing but damage the child in the end.

Having attended an all-girl's high school and an all-woman's college I am no stranger to all the rhetoric behind what a 'progressive' woman should and should not do to escape the fangs of oppression. I had once, in college, even subscribed to a strict 'feminist' ideas of not shaving my legs, refused to wear makeup and dresses. But it was very soon after that I realized I did not need to do or cease doing anything to prove I am a 'modern woman'. I can still shave, wear makeup, cook dinner. The very freedom to choose what lifestyle is the goal we all should aim towards as a mature and free society. Being aware of oppression towards woman does not require one to abandon womanhood as spelled out by the mainstream society. It happens that not only liked, but I LOVED to shave my legs, I loved wearing eye makeup and dresses and skirts and I did not feel an ounce of oppression from following my choices.

Therefore, when I see my daughter wanting to wear a dress that looks like a cake every single day I allow and openly encourage her CHOICE to do what she pleases with her body. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her following her own creative ideas of what beauty is and trying to match it through her wares.

I am not in the least worried about her princess obsession possibly causing any imbalances in her life. Ultimately, the MOST important factor in raising children successfully has nothing to do with clothing or makeup but the amount of quality time dedicated to the parent-child relationship by the parent. Kids know they are loved, wanted and of value the more time a parent dedicates to them. You could give your child millions of dollars, or give them everything they could ever ask for all the way up to a free college education. But it's only when you put in some hard time with this child that they KNOW they have value. It is the golden gift and only a parent has the touch or the ability to give it.

We are sure that one day she will be a strong woman with very clear sense of her own strengths physically, emotionally, socially and psychologically because daily we prioritize spending time with her (and her brother) over anything else in the world.

Nothing else is as important as "us" functioning as a family, and they know it. All other factors are water under the bridge.

Pretty? I forgot about that concept

Painting for sale on my site for $300.

I just read a blog post written by a college friend about traditionally attractive women, looks and what most people consider attractiveness in women. I have never thought myself as pretty or traditionally pretty or mainstream attractive. It feels perfectly normal to me to be this way and I have never tried being anything else. I wear no make up and I wear clothes I love regardless of fashion trends. On the contrary, I have always thought myself as smart, dynamic and creative and those qualities have always been worth even more than having traditional looks....which have always proven themselves to be boring if not supported by other qualities. 

What has been a huge priority for me has actually always been smarts. My husband without a doubt is one of the smartest people I know.   I am just naturally drawn to people who are calm and bring an aura of peace to their space. You bring me a beast with smarts and I would be attracted to it for its smarts. Smarts is more attractive than a pretty face any day.