My weight loss journey.......before and after

Now

1.5 years ago

               

                 
                      

            I have thought long and hard about how I can best help others understand just how easy this weight-loss journey can really be. The process for me has been very slow and gradual, taking many, many months of incremental progress. Yet, it can easily be followed by anyone who is not looking for a quick weight-loss fix. At first glance, the habits I currently live by such as juicing and running, which have been built over time, may seem a bit over the top for anyone just starting out, but trust me, the process has a way of changing you so that all the changes seem logical and simple as you reach each new level. All it takes is truly committing to changing one tiny habit at a time and choosing to adopt each one for the long haul. 

                          My weight-loss journey began when I stepped on a working and (for once) 'trusty' scale after not having done so in months and became horrified to see the numbers 199 lbs. flash on the screen. One stinking pound away from the dreaded 200 lbs was where all my blind living led me to. THAT moment, right there, was my ultimate rock-dead-bottom. The Universe knew me well, for had it read 200 lbs. I might have just resigned myself to being overweight. Yet, that 1 stinking pound less carried with it some hope, hope for a reversal. 
                    
                          Everyone has a 'bottom', a point they know in their soul that once they reach it, 'something' MUST be done. Bottom in this context, for anyone not familiar with this lingo, it defines the very moment one decides it's time to stop and go the opposite direction. Being 1 pound away from two hundred pounds was my wake up call, I needed nothing else to make me aware of my state.  At that moment I felt a irrevocable resolve to take this on for good, no matter what it took. I was done trying to convince myself I was okay with being big, I was done with my baggage about weight, I was done with all the excuses.....I wanted more. 

                       Around that time the Universe sent me another small gift. I also was lucky to read somewhere that cravings are the technically body's way of telling you that you are not giving it what it so desperately needs, nutrients, minerals....etc. Overweight people are overweight, I was informed by this source, because they eat too much of the wrong foods, which often carry no nutrient value. Therefore, the body keeps asking and asking and asking for more and more food to try to fill the body's basic nutrient needs.  I thought on this and decided that I could work with this logic, it was simple and clear. After spending half a day on YouTube watching 101 ways of cooking veggies I began cooking and juicing vegetables daily to see if in fact this theory was correct. I began filling my body with the 'right' types of nutrients and that made all the difference. Within days, the cravings, which have plagued me my whole life, began to subside and I had enormous amounts of energy throughout the day to the point where I would even wake up in the middle of the night to watch movies, read, or blog. This past Thanksgiving, for example, was the first official holiday in which I wasn't constantly thinking 'FOOD!!! the whole time. Food stopped being the end-all-be-all of my life and I felt free to enjoy all the other gifts such holidays provide. 

                         But juicing and eating well alone are not the fix-all cure to life-time weight control. Yes, itwill help one get rid of the excess weight super fast, yet, there are some other minor adjustment that need to also take place in order to make this journey a life-long journey of success. Below I list a few words of wisdom to help you along this journey. I wish you all, whoever you are, success in bringing health, joy and expansive love into your  world.   

1. The weight is NOT coming off with exercise. I am not an expert on this mind you, but I am an expert on my own body and have been doing this weight loss stuff long enough to speak with some authority on what may or may not work. Let me begin by saying that, we all have seen these 'Biggest Loser' types shows  on TV where some extremely fit person militaristically pushes an obese person to run 3 miles, as if that would make him lose any weight in the long-term. As a person who has severely injured herself numerous times doing these ridiculous drill-and-kill type programs while overweight, I don't think they are the way to go at all. Not to say you should no be doing SOME form of exercise. But initially, if your BMI labels you as OBESE the way to lose weight safely and fast would be through what you eat and don't eat primarily. Excessive exercise is not the way to start losing weight if you have a lot of pounds to lose.  Makes sense to me; The excess weight must come off first before a serious exercise program can even take hold. Therefore, I am convinced that the fastest, safest way to lose the weight is to eat extremely right.....period. I would strongly push for vegetable juicing (34 oz day total, or in the least an 8oz glass of vegetable juice before all meals in the least as a way to kick start the loss) I would also advice watching any and all Youtube video that teach basic vegetable cooking skills. YouTube has some wonderful videos for all sorts of recipes, they are addictive. I must add here also that starving is not part of the plan at all, you must feed your body well, period. Starving is very much like 'holding your breath', at some point you have to come up for air....IF it's not a life-long solution, why bother. The obvious rules apply, no sodas, no chips, no salty popcorn, no sugar, no white bread, and most importantly NO to tiny portions. A teeny tiny salad will only turn one into a raging cranky bitch in 2 hours, stop it!! No one like cranky...eat all you like of the good stuff and then go live life!!! But make sure you eat amazing foods.....vegetables......fruits mostly.....fill up on them, make them THE main meal, not the side dishes. Only eating right, to the extreme, will start the ball rolling in the right direction, and fast. Sounds simple, but too many people equate fruits and veggies with small portions and starving. Make them the main meal......

2. Get a heart monitor .....go online and find your target heart rate for your age and weight and make sure you reach that range for at least 30 minutes a day. No cheating, no excuses. Just set time aside and do it, don't think too long about it for if you do, you'll talk yourself out of it. You may have kids, you may be a single parent, whatever your excuse is, find time to do this as if your life depended on it. One of my main goal in getting fit began with my my desire to one day be a grandma. Ooh!! I cannot wait to see what that would be like. But not all of us will get there. It IS a matter of life and death. Therefore, making time and getting all the materials you need to make your workout fun is very important. If you need music, get music. If you need good shoes, a gym membership, a sitter....do it. 

3. This is HUGE. I had to stop blaming people for my weight issues. I did this unconscious 'cranky blaming' for years. My loved ones could not even buy me clothes without me getting all sensitive about who knows what. I have no idea what I was mad at really, yet, nevertheless it felt helpful to deflect the blame on others so that I could stay my course, it was easier than doing something about it in the end. Soon everyone knew to stay off 'my issue'. The narrative of blaming-others became a part of who I was and I never questioned this thinking until much later. You see, I had guilt-tripped every loved one enough so that no one ever dare bother me about my weight, so I was left alone.  Suddenly, I had no one else to fight against, nothing else left to defend.  I had to come to terms with my part in this whole mess, all of it. 

4. NEW life-long habits. It's not a diet, far from it. It's a change of habit ......for life. The 'for life' part is the biggie. Don't even bother changing any habit at all ever unless you can see yourself doing it for the rest of your life. Seriously, choose carefully what you want to incorporate into your routines, for if you take on too much you'll have a hard time sustaining it, if you chose too little, you'll see no change and give up. The first habit I started was juicing and having at least two 8 oz of vegetable juice a day before my meals. The weight fell off me fast, 6 months later, I started juicing more daily. I went from 2 glasses a day to 4 glasses a day and today there are days that the juice may easily replace a meal. A year later, I started jogging daily in addition to the juicing. I started with 30 minutes a day for 3 to 5 months and making sure my heart rate was 118 or more for those 30 minutes.  Notice, all these habit changes are small and very easy to do on their own, nothing revolutionary. Needless to say I did not lose the weight overnight. It took about a year to lose 30-40 lbs. But, the great news is that I have kept it all off and most importantly, I KNOW I am never going back. It's THAT simple. 

5. ONCE the weight is gone, you MUST chose a form of exercise that you can stick with for the rest of your life. There is NO other way around it so might as well accept it right now. Exercise must be a part of your life if you want to live a long and healthy life....period. Pharmaceutical companies spend millions each year trying to convince you there are ways around this supposed 'horrible fact'. You can try millions of easy fixes to lose weight, but NONE will ever work for the long run except a change of habit that requires regular exercise that raises your heart rate for a sustained period of time. This might seem gloomy to any and all who have given up on being physical, yet, the joy, energy and sense of balance I get from exercising 6 days a week makes it all so worth it. The huge secret here is that people who work out are actually not superhuman people who like to torture themselves in the gym daily. A few months back, I too would have cried painful tears if anyone would have dragged me out of bed at 6am to go jogging in the freezing cold temperature. Now, because of how amazing it makes me feel during and after running, I seriously cannot wait to get up and go running every morning...and yes, at 6am. Again, 6 months ago, this was not me.....6 months ago I had given up on ever running again. So don't worry, your mind will change once it gets what it needs and that will make all other larger changes so easy to continue in the right direction....I promise. You will do wonderful!!

6. Worth. Poeple are overweight for many reasons. My personal weight issues relate deeply to issues of self-worth. All my life I have had internal battles relating to lack of self-worth, all for reasons that make no or little sense to me now. These past struggles have manifested themselves into my body through the way I relate to it, how and what I consume, what I think of it, how I view myself or not view myself. I know that we all come here to learn many lessons, and one of mine related to overcoming this hurdle with lack of self-value. I know fairly well that I am not alone in this plight, which is why I share so openly my own weaknesses. These are very much everyone's weaknesses as well. All humans come to face similar hurdles and it's my hope that with the sharing of my own personal journey with weight-loss I can help others jump this hurdle much easier. 

                   I started meditating on the awesome and sheer value of having this life and of having a strong healthy body. I feel so incredibly blessed to be here, at this time, leading this awesome adventure with all sorts of souls. My weight-loss goes way beyond a simple physical change. It's much, much, much larger than that. This journey has allowed me to once again to feel strong, in control and has afforded me the ability to manifest my loving energy in a brighter, clearer and more beautiful way. Peace. 

                         

Thinning Memories

Can someone who we loved yet has passed away support us still in this life?

I grew up around grown-ups who all believed that loved ones who have passed still continue to support us even after death. I often visit this hopeful way of looking at our long-gone-loved-ones and find it incredibly conforting. It makes perfect sense to me. The love they 'showered' onto us is and always will be there there. We are made of it's very fiber and the two, the love and you, cannot be separated.

Thinning Memories

I miss you most in times like these.

Your voice use to ring clear support.

Yet, those words have gone with time,

and left their indelible imprint on my heart.

My mind desperately reaches out to thinning memories,

clinging, grasping,

to the way you used to say my name,

the way your hands looked while busy,

your gait,

your smell.

Each time I am robbed of more detail.

Maybe,

I can gather some scraps of wisdom from those ghost memories

that will help me get through these times.

Surely, you left me a message somewhere

hidden from the jaws of time.

Surely, you still guide me unbeknownst to our gods.

The occasional coincidence or miracle pull me through unscathed,

I feel blessed and loved by each of these loving whispers that crosses though the veils of death.

It's then that I know, deep in my soul, you stand beside me still.

Hate and Love are actually close neighbors

I thought I hated you

but I don't

Took a while to get here but it turns out all I wanted was for you to like me

I see you smile and I am joyous

I see you upset and I am a total mess

I wish there was a heavy metal door separating us. Perhaps this door would also have an armed guard, discriminating, protecting and keeping me away from the waves of negative energy that come and go at your ever-so-illogical will.

But the craziest thought by far is that I may just not only like you, but that I may also love you.

Oh, What a relief it would be to peel off these heavy negative thoughts and again feel light and clear.

Perhaps on the inside you are just like me,

wanting my love,

my approval,

my warm smile.

I trust that in changing my own thoughts both our worlds will begin to reflect a new beginning.

My babies....

These are my two treasures...they make every single minute of my life so worth living. They make me strong, they make me laugh and cry.....but most importantly no matter what happens they make me feel alive.

Allow

Allow.....such a powerful and helpful lesson to reaching true happiness.

So many times a day I practice "allowing" that it finally seems a bit easier.

I allow the feeling of frustration to pass through me when I realize my alarm did not go off.

I allow my hubby to disagree even if it does not fit my idea of what I wanted him to think.

I allow my son to scream without seeking comfort in yelling back.

How many times we fight life and all its surprises?....We try so hard to change and shift our world to fit our idea of what the world should be that we forget that life is meant to be unpredictable and that fighting all this unpredictability only makes life harder and more miserable.

This is one reason I abhor movies about love. How finite and strict these movies have come to define love. They make it seem as if love ONLY comes dressed in candles, flowers, poems and wine and leave out the gamut of other styles of love that exist in the world. It begs the question, could there be love without flowers? without gifts? without poems? The movies would have you think not and setting you on a lifelong quest for prince charming. But prince charming might come dressed in any of thousands of forms. If attached to one finite idea of love, you might miss it all together.

So next time to meet a person who might not fit the "mark" of a prince charming....allow them to teach you about their style of love.

How Movies About LOVE and LOVERS Ruin Relationships....

I love my husband.

Now.... he's not the romantic type...in fact he's not at all romantic.....

He's never bought me flowers except for once, has no idea how to go about buying a gift for someone, and sometimes does not even remember REALLY important dates.....unless reminded.

But having grown up more of a realist and shunning all things cheesy and over-the-top I have never really thought "romantic" men desirable at all. In fact just the opposite has been my experience. Deep inside I always thought, "If they have to try so hard, then they are not being themselves." Just as I've always thought myself most beautiful without makeup for its truth and honesty about what I really look like, I have always valued the bare truth over false facades of all kinds.... This "suspicion" of all skewed representation of self extended even to the way they chose to live, dress, even who they'd talk to. The showy-er the man the more unattractive they seemed to me.

If you watch a lot of movies about love and lovers though you can easily come to think such a relationship where a man is not constantly pouring his love onto you is not worth saving, and indignantly move on in search for greener pastures. This is very sad, for movies have a way of setting up these fictitious, unnatural and unrealistic expectations for all our relationships creating unnecessary tension. We never stop to ask, will a man who loves us to "death" really make us happy? Or, in true love, does intensity really have a place? As taught in nature, suns that burn hottest die faster. If love is felt intensely, then can it really be love? In that case, where does the laundry fall in this intense world of love?

Okay ladies, perhaps there is a guy out there who knows just the right combination of poetic words to say after an argument, or one that can plan a 4-course dinner and bring you flowers on your anniversary date and somehow manage to make it all a surprise. But if you create a tight list of MUSTS and SHOULDS, you miss out on the list of existing gifts your mate already possesses. For example, my husband does all the laundry in the house, even rinses out Nora's washable poop diapers by hand and does it many times a week. He's the only man I know among my family who actually sits and plays with his kids (for hours too)....not just 20 minutes as you rush to pass them on to someone else. He's always the one to load all the food perfectly in our bags when we food shop, has more patience than a saint and is the more self assured person I know. These are just a few gifts I've discovered in my relationship and in remaining open and without my tight list of MUSTs and SHOULDS, I find more and more gifts daily.

Aside from what the movies say, love does NOT HAVE TO come wrapped in roses and poems. Let's drop all preset expectations and start seeing people outside of boxes and labels. A new world will reveal itself ....If you are open to accept what is or not there without a battle....you might be pleasantly surprised at what you find.

I am not saying to let go off all expectations. Obviously the man must respect you, and love you and vice versa....but love has many forms and sometimes we crave the type of love that burns intensely, like in the movies.

With this said, I have come to learn that in marriage, as in any relationship, we must fall in love twice for it to work out....FIRST we fall in love with the person we think we know, then SECOND (and this is the one that will make it or break it)....we must fall in love with the person they really are....

DATING RED FLAGS!!!!!

I've been helping my friend with relationship issues and accumulated some Dating Red Flags online. I thought it could help others who might need help figuring out what some of these are. Sorry I do not have the resource sources listed. But I'm sure you could google the exact sentences and get the source. 

 * I've finally realized that no matter how gorgeous and alluring the new stranger is, you have to quit when a red flag goes up. As soon as it goes up.
* When you pick someone who is too far from you on the continuum, you’ll be fighting a painful, losing battle because your fundamental ideas about what a relationship should look like will be too different. And don’t trick yourself into thinking that these things will change. That’s a mistake people make all the time. Instead, take the time to carefully assess this dimension in any potential partner. Your future relationship satisfaction depends on it!!
* "A man is who he is by his 16th birthday. Don't enter a relationship expecting him to change, because he won't, even if it is better for him and he knows it. And if he DOES seem to change, he'll only revert back the moment you let up, and he'll only resent you the whole time you are trying to get him to change. It's not worth it."
* She/He engages and disengages without warning. For example, every time you take her out you have a great time and a lot of fun but then she barely returns your calls, or takes several days to return them. You end up calling first because you have fun together but you find yourself in a chase mode with no indication of whether or not she's willing to be caught. This is not courting, this is a game of control and dysfunctional interaction usually dominated by someone who has mental health issues. This person is good at yo yo-ing you're emotions and making you question yourself. Bottom line...they're users.
* He makes it clear that he doesn't want you talking about him to anyone else.
* He vacillates from day-to-day or week to week as to whether he wants to be in a relationship or not.
* His life is ambiguous. You never really feel like you "know" him. You may meet his family once, and friends occasionally, but you always feel like he's hiding something. He never really explains any of his past in detail. And, if he does, it's only when he's explaining his way out of something. I.E. "I'm the victim, and here's why."
* On the first date, he tells you he thinks he could fall in love with you, and/or wants to marry you and he'll convert to your religion because "you are the one", etc...
* Despite his obvious mental angst [or perhaps because of it...] he completely rejects the idea of professional therapy as a sham, preferring to confide in YOU, because, well, YOU are so much better at understanding him and his troubled life than some overpaid professional "quack."
* He/she has an elevated tension level consistently. Tries to paint the inability to relax as a positive character trait.
* says things like "I see in you the woman you can be (/become)", in combination with his love declarations. (This sounds very romantic in the beginning, as if he wants to help you grow, or develop, or god knows what you make of it, but in fact it means: I see flaws in how you are now and I am going to do something about "fixing" you)
* He and you grew up differently- him from a traditional "old world" style family- and you a "Americanized" family- and he wants you to behave/dress/talk more conservative (like his mother- a lifelong homemaker).
* He does something REALLY inconsiderate and/or discourteous, and no matter how calmly you try to talk to him about it, he JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND why you are hurt or upset. You find yourself having to explain concepts of basic courtesy to him. He insists that you are overreacting, being too sensitive, or uses some other implication that there must be something wrong with you. Even if he DOES apologize, you leave the conversation never really feeling like things were actually resolved. Never feeling like he really understood or accepted that his actions were inappropriate or hurtful.
* He says things like "I just want to be good for someone. I just want to be good for YOU." Don't let it tug at your heart-strings. Don't think it means he's REALLY working on his stuff - it means he's so filled with self-hate that he's been an ass to everyone else in his past, and he thinks that he can feel good about himself if he finds the "right" woman. He's searching for salvation through YOU instead of working on his shit himself, and it won't work. It didn't work in the past with all the other women and you are just another kick at the can for him.
* 
    1. He just *leaves* a party or function you went to with him, without telling you (or anyone else) he is leaving, or where he is going.
* He/she talks about looking for a "soul mate" or "someone to complete me".
* He remembers EVERY mistake you ever made, and brings them up long after you apologized (and made reparation), in order to justify HIS bad behavior ("Well YOU did X... and I'm still hurting from it..."). OR he uses those old hurts as excuses for his "depression"
* (for guys in their 30's and 40's) He has NO relationship with his ex-partners, in fact, they want NOTHING to do with him. If he isn't friends with at least a couple of his ex-partners (especially the long-term significant ones), and talks with them socially periodically (over more than issues with their kids), then watch out.
* He seems like a "lost puppy" in need of care. (Get help for yourself for even being attracted.)    1. 
* Experience extreme mood swings. . .tell you you’re the greatest one minute and rip you apart the next minute.
* He/She wants to get married before you have known each other for more than 1-2 years and haven't even lived together yet. It takes at least 1.5yrs for the "hormone rush" of infatuation to wear off, and the true colours to start to emerge, depending on how quickly you individuate away from the "joined at the hip" phase.
* He starts doing things incongruent with the person you THOUGHT you first got to know. People are always on their best behavior during the "courtship" phase. If that behavior starts to degrade and change into little nasty digs, or lies, or other forms of abuse, DITCH him before it gets worse. Don't wait around hoping the the guy you first fell in love with is going to resurface - that was obviously a False Image designed to hook you.
* On the other hand, if he/she does not want to be touched even though you have dated exclusively for several months, you just might ask if physical intimacy will ever be a consideration.
* Trying to develop a meaningful relationship with someone who is too self-absorbed or overly involved with their businesses or personal interests will result in loneliness.  
* 
* He seems "too good to be true" - he probably IS (not TRUE, that is).
* He is constantly "down" and has a variety of excuses - his back hurts, he doesn't get enough light, you are keeping him awake at night so he doesn't get enough sleep, he hasn't had enough to eat that day, etc.
* You *clearly* and openly state your expectations and needs, in a calm and caring fashion, you are told that you are being "controlling" or "manipulative" or "too sensitive".
* Someone who has been previously married may be still be seriously affected by unresolved issues (old baggage).  Also, one's past, parents, and previous relationships can negatively impact how they relate to others. 
* Does his/her religious views place any uncomfortable limitations on a relationship?  Is their approach to the things of life too conservative for you?  On the other hand, does he/she hold liberal views that are just too far to the left for you to be able to tolerate?  Whoever said that politics and religion should not be discussed amongst couples may have set a lot of people up for eventual failure in their primary relationships. 
* People who truly love each other want to be with each other as much as possible.  If your boy/girlfriend has one excuse after another as to why they are not available to you, then you might look elsewhere.  Either they are not really interested in you or you simply need more attention.  You can't make someone want to be with you.  It has to come naturally and be obvious. 
* 
* His/her whole social life revolves around his/her parents.
*  He has no kids, no pets, no fish, not even any plants. If the only thing that lives in his place other than him is the mold in the back of his fridge, he’s a non-starter. A guy who can’t even commit to keeping a spider plant alive does not have what it takes to keep a relationship alive.
* You find yourself crying a lot, being depressed or unhappy.
*  He has no kids, no pets, no fish, not even any plants. If the only thing that lives in his place other than him is the mold in the back of his fridge, he’s a non-starter. A guy who can’t even commit to keeping a spider plant alive does not have what it takes to keep a relationship alive.
* Fantasizing about the future:While men are typically (not always) the masters of game playing, women have this one down pat. When you catch yourself trying on his last name before the third date, it's time to remind yourself to slow down. In the first 3-6 months of a relationship, you are likely running on oxytocin, which is a chemical found in chocolate. It creates the sense of well-being and euphoria that comes with “falling in love.” This might as well be dubbed the period of temporary insanity, because you are not in command of all your faculties; your brain is hijacked by those lovely chemicals, interfering with your ability to think clearly. Until you have time to really get to know someone, and see him or her in a wide range of situations, it is helpful to not get ahead of yourself; don't strongly attach to some illusion that you have created about the person. This can lead to pitfalls of setting up unrealistic expectations and subsequent
disillusionment, or depression if the relationship doesn't work out.
* Obsessing over details:
This one is common with those who worry. The worry may be a general habit, but now it is turned on the subject of the relationship: worry about what the other person said, worry about what they meant by it, worry about how you reacted, worry about the relationship not working out, worry about what if it does work out, how will your parents react…on and on. Being anxious is a mood killer, and will not make you attractive to a potential mate. But don't go worrying about that! Try to tap into your self-confidence and trust that if the relationship is meant to work out, it will.
* Rush in, rush out:
Are you reckless in love? Do you plunge into the deep end, only to find that the water is way too cold? Then this one's for you. Getting overly involved too soon is a big red flag. If you do it, then you need to pace yourself, and be more considerate of the other person, who you are probably leading on. If you fall for those who do it, then you need to slow things down and not get taken for a ride (or pursue a different type!).

* On the first date, already talks about marriage or kids. (This is even out on the 2nd or 3rd date)