4/7/09

Thoughts Can Kill.....Question them


Hostages left a building near the American Civic Association in Binghamton, N.Y., on Friday
image from NYTimes.com

I have been just so shocked at all these people going nuts and killing off their entire family or a handful of total strangers. One of them I heard about, shot up his whole family because his wife was apparently leaving him. For all he knows that might have been one of those blessings in disguise. he could have gone on and found someone he connected with better, or better yet, he could have found himself. Some of the strongest people I know are divorced people who after their marriage find the strength to reinvent themselves and be who they never had the courage to be. 
The minute I heard about these serial murders I thought of Katie Byron saying that "thoughts can kill" and to question them often. As the simple question, "is that true" and to be open to all the OTHER possibilities that right off do not seem clear. Having considered myself an "oversensitive" type my whole life I have always allowed my thoughts to get the better of me and all my relationships.....I could easily turn a simple harmless comment into a full-fledged two-hour argument with my hubby.  Even if the comment was purposely hurtful I always have had the choice to not react.  Now,  MY OWN UNDERSTANDING is all I need. 

When I learned about Katie Byron and listened to all her books on CD my entire life changed. By far, my favorite book by her continues to be I Need Your Love-Is That True?  Until then, I had been a woman dragging along her painful childhood (along with other later tragedies).....She taught me to treat each situation in the present without the baggage from the past. I could very well say, she saved me from a life full of purposeless pain, she saved my marriage and all my other meaningful relationships.  

While we are on the topic of husbands and children I am also reminded of a conversation I had with a coworker last year. She belonged to an organized religion (One which escapes me) and we were having a philosophical discussion as all co-teachers do.  I flat out admitted to her that my husband and I both simultaneously think the children come first before each other. When I said it I did not mean there is less love for my hubby than for my children in any way but that if anything ever happened to my children I'd have a harder time recovering; I'd be destroyed. She said things were totally different with her and that you can always have more children, but that her husband was first always. She even elaborated that she served her husband dinner first, then her children.  She sited some bible passage which says this is the way to be.  After much thought, I still feel the same way as before. If my husband were to leave me today to be happy with someone else I would have a very hard time at first, but I love him enough to be happy for him. Would love to know what you think?


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