5/8/09

I Dreamt of You Last Night


Every once in a while I cry in my sleep and it's always you.

Last night you came to see me and I hugged you so hard and so long
I cried as I held you so tight, my whimperings woke me up......I wanted to be back there, with you.....holding you...thankful to have one more hug. 

This morning I ponder your visit and wonder "was it real?"
One thought terrifies me more than any other is thinking I will never see you again.

The night before you took your life I saw a person who looked just like you and even thought to myself, "I should call him and share this.....it's uncanny." But life, the kids, laundry came instead.  Angels tried to help us all that night, but they're only allowed to throw down a few vague clues....so after years of trying,  you did it....and changed all our lives forever. 

The last time we spoke I was rushing back in the house late with Chris and Luke.  Luke crying, me, 5 months pregnant ready for bed....cranky and emotional with my hormones running crazy. I hardly paid attention to your musings as I thought of the 400 other things I could be doing. I hurried off the phone with my last good-bye.....to you..... my love......my soul brother.  

You never got to meet Nora.  I saw her pretending to lip-sing today from my rear-view mirror while driving to the beach and felt rich with love and full of life running through my veins.  In my mind I nudged you to look at her too.....you would have just adored her. And Luke would have made you laugh 'til your blue with his funny 4-year-old talk. 

I imaged my life alongside you growing old and wrinkly...laughing at stupid stuff with your family and mine.....sharing all the love around us.....

You knew me like no other and still loved me ....and perhaps that is all I have left of you.

  .....Unconditional love has no expiration date it turns out....

Thank you for saving my life daily with your memory. 

When all else fails I know you loved me at my worse. 


1 comment:

  1. Even at your worst you are easy to love Mir...
    There are so many reasons to be thankful for my cousin/brother... but I thank him every day for bringing you into my life and into my family. Love Jen

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