7/24/10

Why do you need a nurse again?


I was watching TV before passing out the other night and ended up getting totally sucked into the world of reality TV, this one is called Bethenny Getting Married on Bravo. It's about

Bethenny Frankel, a NY Times Best Seller and Celebrity Natural Food Chef and her hubby whose name I did not get. I have never heard of her, but seemed interesting enough. In the show she is days from giving birth and she gets a visit from a friend who visits with a newborn and a NURSE.......yes, a nurse. Not a nanny, not an Au pair....a nurse.....NOPE, there is nothing wrong with the baby. They just can afford a nurse and therefore have one to help with the baby.


Fast forward a few minutes and Bethenny is at the hospital giving birth 5 weeks early and immediately that same day they hire the same nurse who she met earlier. The nurse will sleep in their NY apartment with them and help with the baby. This nurse got me boiling from the beginning when she opened her mouth and in giving mommy advice to B said something to the affect that nursing babies are more fussy than bottle babies. Yeah, if you want the baby out of your hair, yes, breastfeeding is more time consuming. You can tell in 2 seconds this nurse is all about practicality and convenience. Hey, but what do you expect, she is being hired to take over some or most mommy duties....


Now let's stop a big minute. What have we all come to? Do you really need a nurse to help you with the first few nights with your newborn? Now I know it's the hardest time you will ever have with your child. You are exhausted, you have just given birth, your body hurts. But to check out completely and abdicate your role to some stranger is just plain sad. I think of those first few nights with Nora (my second baby) at the hospital. It was my second unplanned cesarean and as much as they kept coming to get her from me, I kept asking for her to be brought back to my room. She needed me as much as I needed her. We were like two sleeping angels. All she did was nurse and sleep and all I did was cuddle her, change her, watch TV and spend hours looking at her beautiful face. It was a truly blissful recovery. No, it was not easy by any means. I had staples in my tummy, I could only move but so slowly, I was sad to have again 'failed' at a regular birth experience, but she made it all much easier.


When I watch shows like this I get reaffirmation that I am doing a good job as a mom. I spend time with my kids. You can give your kids the world from top to bottom. Cars, expensive phones, money, great clothes, but nothing, NOTHING compares to your company. They know they are worthy because you want to spend time with them. What IS sad though is that shows like this make TV watchers think this is the NORM or some ideal to aspire to.....Afterall she is a NY times Best Seller; she MUST know something right? As if one had enough money this would be something we should all aspire to....."If we only had enough money to hire someone to take this kid off my hands so I can live my life again".

These past few weeks of summer vacation I have been taking the kids out daily on what we call "adventures". During breakfast we discuss what we would like our day's adventure to be. It could be as simple as walking to the library or going on a tour of the pet store; nothing fancy. But during our adventure we chat, I teach, I break up arguments, scold, listen and laugh. It's not about just getting there, but it's about the journey too; the walk, the things we find on our way. Times like these I am so glad to be a Buddhist. It allows me to truly live in each moment and savour all these treasured fleeting moments with my family. Had I hired another adult to take over my role I would miss so so so much, plus they would not get the rich lessons that happen at any given teachable moment......and most importantly, a parent's company comes with a very, very special ingredient, LOVE.

All we have to do to know what is right and true is look back at our own childhood and ask ourselves what we most wanted at that time. I can assure you that at a very young age what you most wanted was to be with your parents......Bonding with other grown ups is great, but what will bring that sense of self worth as an adult, or a high self-esteem that will last a lifetime is knowing that they were worthy of your time and energy.

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