I have not posted for some time. Now it's summer vacation and being a teacher I have a lot more free time. Don't hate me please, it's been a very tough, and yet amazing first year at my new job and I need the rest badly. Funny thing about being a mom though, no matter how much free time you have, not much of it is left over for you at the end of the day regardless. But I am back....!! will try to write daily again, but may not meet that goal seeing as I now have two blogs, the other being a running blog; running being my newfound love!! check it out here.
I have been thinking a lot about girlfriends this week. A day ago, I got a return call from one of my oldest friends (we've been friends for 20 years) while driving and in 25 minutes we had such a deep, inspiring and soul-feeding conversation. After our chat, I walked away feeling reconnected to the world, just so grateful to have a friend I could share new revelations with, new life lessons. And just today, I accidentally run into a new friend, a mom, at the park and we too had such a great sharing conversation. Let me not forget two days before that, my daughter had a play date and immediately I hit it off with with the mom, who also happens to be a runner. I could not be more excited to talk about my favorite subject, running; I was in heaven.
Part of the reason I was so excited about this new revelation about friendships was that it took me this long to figure out that the secret to good friendships is in how the conversations make you feel. I grew up always feeling the odd one out amongst peers. In high school, I always felt surrounded by girls who'd prefer to chat about clothing brands and celebrities. In the later years, I still struggled to find my niche amongst women, my tribe if you may. Where are the women who reflect, who talk about politics, who dream big dreams, who create with their hands or their minds and who question and ponder? I have found that these amazing women naturally gravitate towards you once you become that woman. Only in steadily being me, regardless of what type of crowd I was in, did I begin to find others like me. All of the sudden I am surrounded by awe-inspiring women, I feel beyond blessed.
If the conversations with a potential friend makes you feel totally drained and your energy totally zapped out, perhaps this is not a good match for you. If you have little in common, perhaps it's not a good match. If all you do is give, give, give and the conversation lacks a general balance of caring exchange, again, perhaps this person is not a good match for you, and THAT is perfectly okay. One very helpful mantra I picked up lately, from somewhere, is 'I'm not a public service'. Typically, I would feel ultra guilty not extending myself out to everyone and anyone who needed me, but, I have found that I am a better mom, a better friend, a better wife if I honor my own limits. If talking to someone drains me and makes me feel uneasy, devalued and used, I have the obligation to honor my feelings before I honor theirs....why? Because I am not a public service.