7/4/09

Working Through Mixed Emotions......


I am having mixed emotions about relocating....I'm not changing my mind...just struggling to feel okay about moving my kids away from their "Lela.." (Grandma)

In less than a month we leave my mom's house, where we've been renting the downstairs apartment for the past 4 years, to move 250 miles away.

Although what's pulling me is THE job of my dreams, incredibly better pay, and a great school system for the kids.....I am still aching for my poor mom who will very much miss my kids....and vice versa...

She's been with my oldest since he was 1 and my youngest has always had her around...

Both my kids adore her (and my step dad) and I can't help to wonder if this is a good move or not. It's hard to tell.

I am willing to give it time....a couple of years and then decide whether to move closer or back to NY.... or maybe even stay...right now the sadness is raw and the anxiety slowly building.....all these questions. Will my mom be okay? will the kids be sad? will they remember those cozy Saturday mornings running into grandma's room to giggle and cuddle? Am I taking something away that I can never give back? Will it be worth it?

The love of a child is incredibly powerful and in its absence it has a tendency to leave an almost unbearable emptiness. I cannot even begin to imagine my mom's first few days without the kids....the silence..the house void of mess, rid of all the toys, no sippy cups left out overnight....

I trust that time will heal these feeling and eventually I know my mom and step dad will get used to having their place back; without all the mess.....Also, my hubby and I will learn to raise our kids like most Americans, alone and without the help of extended family.....

More than ever, technology becomes important. E-mails, family blogs, Video CD, Skype.....I am going to teach them all I know about these mediums so as to try to keep connecting....I am hoping that love will prevail and that my kids still know just how much they matter to so many people aside from just my hubby and I....even if they do not see them every day...

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