Buddhist Quote of the Day

You will not be punished for your anger,

you will be punished by your anger

I had an incident this morning with my hubby in which I totally lost it. Hours later we both know it was really silly....but I was so angry at him then. When you are this mad you want the perpetrator to feel it too....so you start to unconsciously plan ways to diffuse that anger by sending it back from where it came from.....but for the first time I allowed some space to invade that tight anger. Lately, I am starting to value my sanity and peace more than being "right" or the satisfaction of getting "back at" the perpetrator. As he ranted after something I said to him, I emotionally pulled away and began to focus instead on all the things that are going right in my life and how incredibly blessed I am .....and suddenly being "right" and coming back with a hurtful comeback was no longer important.

Open Minds Here and Now

Remaining open has been my lesson these past few days following Michael Jackson's death.

How many times have we gotten into arguments with loved ones just because we closed up immediately, assumed the worse from the start and stopped listening to the message being conveyed right here, right now?

I cannot count with my fingers and toes the times my hubby and I argued over simple wrongful assumptions..."I thought you'd do this, so I did this". Proof that we live 99% in our heads, so sure of the outside facts, yet never stop to actually check these facts and see if things have changed with each new situation.

With Michael Jackson, I have always loved, loved, loved his music. Although you will not find any of his songs in my Ipod for I hear mostly music in Spanish, his music and his lyrics have been part of the background of my past for as long as I can remember. In trying to understand the severity of the mourning people around me are going through, I started watching loads of interviews with the singer/dancer through www.Hulu.com and also through www.youtube.com. The more I watched, the more I became increasingly sad that I did not know enough about a person like himself before he died. I find out now that MJ was so in tune and parallel with who I am as a person.

In just having watched hours of interview footage on him, anyone with half wits could see that he was practically an asexual being, whose gender was comfortably undefined. Like a pre-pubescent child who does not care whether he or she were a girl yet, Michael Jackson seems to me childlike in all his action. From his voice, to his demeanor, from what makes him happy, to his sense of humor...it all is childlike, honest and pure.

What made me angry beyond repair while watching these interviews were the majority of the interviewers who were always so self-righteously and visibly shocked at his apparently "odd" choices.....like the one interviewer who asked 3 times how he would find it fun composing in a tree, or the interview with Oprah in which she asked him if he was a virgin. Question after question I became more and more disgusted at the open disrespect they extended to the King of Pop. I'm pretty sure Oprah would be eternally offended if SHE were asked if she were a virgin. One interviewer became increasingly persistent in getting MJ to confess his facial surgeries after denying them various times.

I have seen this type of behavior many times in my life. Whenever a person dares vary from the common gender allowances we associate for men and women it seems like all of the sudden respect and decency go out the window....all of the sudden your very humanity is questioned and no bars are held....

So I am open ready to truly hear and experience all that is coming from a person without adding on my own spin. I am ready and open to be an example of openness to those around me who might only choose to see what they see.....Michael Jackson was a gentle soul, an amazing songwriter, musical and choreographer. He also saw his role in the larger picture of life and his life work purposely addressed us as part of ONE world. His message was one of peace, love and compassion.

Meet Michael Jackson....

If you watch this interview in its entirety you will be won over....What a beautiful, sweet, positive and gentle soul. I would have loved to have known him in person.....(The interviewer SUCKS....so beware....)

Mom's Moments...

I love being a mom....all the hard times you put up with daily melt away instantly in moments like these and I would even go through hundreds of hours of whining and kid drama just so that this moment can be realized multiple times.

I was in the car yesterday prepping the kids for our small outing. For those of you who are not around kids..a 2-year-old talks but with 1-2 words at a time....and well, they do not really hold a conversation YET....Luke on the other hand expresses himself very well.....with that in mind, here is the script.

Mom: We are going to the bank guys.

Nora: Bank!! (she claps and smiles....they get these small lollipops there for free if they sit tight and behave)

Luke: I am going to get the grape one (excited tone)

Mom: Luke, did I tell you that when I went there last time with just Nora, she chose one for you, a blue one, and did not eat it the whole ride to the house....she held it until she saw you. Isn't that nice. Your sister loves you so much Luke.

Luke: Thanks Nora you are the best ever. Best, best, best!!! But you got me the blue one Nora. Next time, Nora (he repeats her name a lot) get me the grape one. Okay, the grape one....

Nora: Yah, Yah.....(nodding in understanding....but not)

Luke: You hear that Nora....the grape one, that is my favorite....okay?

Nora: Yah....(Nodding again like she understands)

Mom: (cracking up while driving)

P Party

In attempts to get Luke ready for Kindergarten we have decided to celebrate a letter every other day. For the past 2 days now we have bee working on the letter P. Yesterday, we ran around placing P labels on all items that begin with the letter P. Today we had a P Party. All food and guests had to begin with the letter P.......lots of fun!!

Mom made P Potato fries.
We cut up peppers.....
Mixed punch....and placed it in a small container to pour.
Mom made a quick Pizza.
At the table there were pink and purple markers and crayons to draw on their paper.
Pink Pig and Panda were invited.
We also cut up some pickles....which no one (but mom) ate.
Each child got a pink straw and a purple cup.

Panda too ate the pizza...
Pink Pig ate the Pizza.
Luke, Nora and I all sat on chairs that had pillows.

Luke and Nora taking her turn hitting the fake pinata.....no candy, just toys in them....from around the house.

How Movies About LOVE and LOVERS Ruin Relationships....

I love my husband.

Now.... he's not the romantic type...in fact he's not at all romantic.....

He's never bought me flowers except for once, has no idea how to go about buying a gift for someone, and sometimes does not even remember REALLY important dates.....unless reminded.

But having grown up more of a realist and shunning all things cheesy and over-the-top I have never really thought "romantic" men desirable at all. In fact just the opposite has been my experience. Deep inside I always thought, "If they have to try so hard, then they are not being themselves." Just as I've always thought myself most beautiful without makeup for its truth and honesty about what I really look like, I have always valued the bare truth over false facades of all kinds.... This "suspicion" of all skewed representation of self extended even to the way they chose to live, dress, even who they'd talk to. The showy-er the man the more unattractive they seemed to me.

If you watch a lot of movies about love and lovers though you can easily come to think such a relationship where a man is not constantly pouring his love onto you is not worth saving, and indignantly move on in search for greener pastures. This is very sad, for movies have a way of setting up these fictitious, unnatural and unrealistic expectations for all our relationships creating unnecessary tension. We never stop to ask, will a man who loves us to "death" really make us happy? Or, in true love, does intensity really have a place? As taught in nature, suns that burn hottest die faster. If love is felt intensely, then can it really be love? In that case, where does the laundry fall in this intense world of love?

Okay ladies, perhaps there is a guy out there who knows just the right combination of poetic words to say after an argument, or one that can plan a 4-course dinner and bring you flowers on your anniversary date and somehow manage to make it all a surprise. But if you create a tight list of MUSTS and SHOULDS, you miss out on the list of existing gifts your mate already possesses. For example, my husband does all the laundry in the house, even rinses out Nora's washable poop diapers by hand and does it many times a week. He's the only man I know among my family who actually sits and plays with his kids (for hours too)....not just 20 minutes as you rush to pass them on to someone else. He's always the one to load all the food perfectly in our bags when we food shop, has more patience than a saint and is the more self assured person I know. These are just a few gifts I've discovered in my relationship and in remaining open and without my tight list of MUSTs and SHOULDS, I find more and more gifts daily.

Aside from what the movies say, love does NOT HAVE TO come wrapped in roses and poems. Let's drop all preset expectations and start seeing people outside of boxes and labels. A new world will reveal itself ....If you are open to accept what is or not there without a battle....you might be pleasantly surprised at what you find.

I am not saying to let go off all expectations. Obviously the man must respect you, and love you and vice versa....but love has many forms and sometimes we crave the type of love that burns intensely, like in the movies.

With this said, I have come to learn that in marriage, as in any relationship, we must fall in love twice for it to work out....FIRST we fall in love with the person we think we know, then SECOND (and this is the one that will make it or break it)....we must fall in love with the person they really are....

Working Through Mixed Emotions......

I am having mixed emotions about relocating....I'm not changing my mind...just struggling to feel okay about moving my kids away from their "Lela.." (Grandma)

In less than a month we leave my mom's house, where we've been renting the downstairs apartment for the past 4 years, to move 250 miles away.

Although what's pulling me is THE job of my dreams, incredibly better pay, and a great school system for the kids.....I am still aching for my poor mom who will very much miss my kids....and vice versa...

She's been with my oldest since he was 1 and my youngest has always had her around...

Both my kids adore her (and my step dad) and I can't help to wonder if this is a good move or not. It's hard to tell.

I am willing to give it time....a couple of years and then decide whether to move closer or back to NY.... or maybe even stay...right now the sadness is raw and the anxiety slowly building.....all these questions. Will my mom be okay? will the kids be sad? will they remember those cozy Saturday mornings running into grandma's room to giggle and cuddle? Am I taking something away that I can never give back? Will it be worth it?

The love of a child is incredibly powerful and in its absence it has a tendency to leave an almost unbearable emptiness. I cannot even begin to imagine my mom's first few days without the kids....the silence..the house void of mess, rid of all the toys, no sippy cups left out overnight....

I trust that time will heal these feeling and eventually I know my mom and step dad will get used to having their place back; without all the mess.....Also, my hubby and I will learn to raise our kids like most Americans, alone and without the help of extended family.....

More than ever, technology becomes important. E-mails, family blogs, Video CD, Skype.....I am going to teach them all I know about these mediums so as to try to keep connecting....I am hoping that love will prevail and that my kids still know just how much they matter to so many people aside from just my hubby and I....even if they do not see them every day...