Lost and Found- A mother's answer to all life's problems

Is loving everyone possible?

I watched a show tonight about a man who killed another for no other reason than the fact that someone higher up in his gang told him to

Would this man have done what he did had he known the man since birth, or been his mother?

The world is made up of people with all kinds of set ideas

Ideas are walls that separate us all

I feel that having become a mother I have hit on a limitless source of love that has the potential to help us all save ourselves

My love for this babe is so deep so selfless, all things are clear in its light

If we knew each person as a mother knows her child we might accomplish peace everywhere

next time you feel negative towards others become their mother in your mind

any irritation, frustration and difficulty dissipates when we connect with others on this level.

Lost and Found

Although your tiny body lays sleeping, oh, so softly

Your gifts are monumental

From the moment I held you

Every cell in my body understood and just knew

How could I have been so blind?

The seminal secrets of humanity have always been and continue to be...all around me

I kneel and cry in pure awe as the wise whispers of your coos continue to empty me until I am just you, your words, your sounds, your smell

In this love, I don't exist but to be with you and for you

I am lost never to be found again

heaven IS being able to care for you

always.

Why do you need a nurse again?

I was watching TV before passing out the other night and ended up getting totally sucked into the world of reality TV, this one is called Bethenny Getting Married on Bravo. It's about

Bethenny Frankel, a NY Times Best Seller and Celebrity Natural Food Chef and her hubby whose name I did not get. I have never heard of her, but seemed interesting enough. In the show she is days from giving birth and she gets a visit from a friend who visits with a newborn and a NURSE.......yes, a nurse. Not a nanny, not an Au pair....a nurse.....NOPE, there is nothing wrong with the baby. They just can afford a nurse and therefore have one to help with the baby.

Fast forward a few minutes and Bethenny is at the hospital giving birth 5 weeks early and immediately that same day they hire the same nurse who she met earlier. The nurse will sleep in their NY apartment with them and help with the baby. This nurse got me boiling from the beginning when she opened her mouth and in giving mommy advice to B said something to the affect that nursing babies are more fussy than bottle babies. Yeah, if you want the baby out of your hair, yes, breastfeeding is more time consuming. You can tell in 2 seconds this nurse is all about practicality and convenience. Hey, but what do you expect, she is being hired to take over some or most mommy duties....

Now let's stop a big minute. What have we all come to? Do you really need a nurse to help you with the first few nights with your newborn? Now I know it's the hardest time you will ever have with your child. You are exhausted, you have just given birth, your body hurts. But to check out completely and abdicate your role to some stranger is just plain sad. I think of those first few nights with Nora (my second baby) at the hospital. It was my second unplanned cesarean and as much as they kept coming to get her from me, I kept asking for her to be brought back to my room. She needed me as much as I needed her. We were like two sleeping angels. All she did was nurse and sleep and all I did was cuddle her, change her, watch TV and spend hours looking at her beautiful face. It was a truly blissful recovery. No, it was not easy by any means. I had staples in my tummy, I could only move but so slowly, I was sad to have again 'failed' at a regular birth experience, but she made it all much easier.

When I watch shows like this I get reaffirmation that I am doing a good job as a mom. I spend time with my kids. You can give your kids the world from top to bottom. Cars, expensive phones, money, great clothes, but nothing, NOTHING compares to your company. They know they are worthy because you want to spend time with them. What IS sad though is that shows like this make TV watchers think this is the NORM or some ideal to aspire to.....Afterall she is a NY times Best Seller; she MUST know something right? As if one had enough money this would be something we should all aspire to....."If we only had enough money to hire someone to take this kid off my hands so I can live my life again".

These past few weeks of summer vacation I have been taking the kids out daily on what we call "adventures". During breakfast we discuss what we would like our day's adventure to be. It could be as simple as walking to the library or going on a tour of the pet store; nothing fancy. But during our adventure we chat, I teach, I break up arguments, scold, listen and laugh. It's not about just getting there, but it's about the journey too; the walk, the things we find on our way. Times like these I am so glad to be a Buddhist. It allows me to truly live in each moment and savour all these treasured fleeting moments with my family. Had I hired another adult to take over my role I would miss so so so much, plus they would not get the rich lessons that happen at any given teachable moment......and most importantly, a parent's company comes with a very, very special ingredient, LOVE.

All we have to do to know what is right and true is look back at our own childhood and ask ourselves what we most wanted at that time. I can assure you that at a very young age what you most wanted was to be with your parents......Bonding with other grown ups is great, but what will bring that sense of self worth as an adult, or a high self-esteem that will last a lifetime is knowing that they were worthy of your time and energy.

Now This is a Good Latch!

I am reminded of my free lactation consultation after both my births when the word of the day was LATCH....proper latch, bad latch....latch, latch, latch.  

My mom (Lela) brought this dolly for Nora last week and as soon as Nora got it I noticed her "feeding" her baby. I guess there is no hiding the fact that I am still nursing her at almost two.

 Yet, I am so proud of the fact that I stuck through the painful days and did not cave and give her the formulas they were practically throwing at me at the hospital......Those little formula bottles seemed to be reproducing in Nora's bassinet.....no matter how many times I told them NO THANK YOU, they kept offering it.....That, plus the guilt trip about possibly starving my baby was so incredibly annoying.....

Nora's Obsession with BABIES gets scratched

Nora my 1 year-old (21 months) LOVES babies. She as much as sees a stroller and she starts gesturing towards it and want to go and see the baby. We had been at BabiesR'Us today buying gifts for a baby shower and got this new mom magazine which of course has tons of baby pics.....I've been cutting magazines now for over a year, so when I see a magazine, I do not think, "read", I think, "cut!"  I used a scissor and cut out all the babies and we glued them on these 4"x6"postcards I made from an old pizza box. I think we will be using them soon...they look very cool!

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Parenting- My 2 cents...

When I was pregnant with my first baby people gave me all sorts of advice about being a parent. So, I thought I was well prepared to take on the challenges of parenthood. Boy was I wrong. With my second, I came armed with the knowledge from my first and thing went smoothly. Currently I see lots of friends and family around me that either have babies or about to have them, so I thought I would put together my own personal list of advice on being a new parent, or just on dealing with those 1st few days...

There is a good chance some of this advice might not apply to you. But more information is always best in my opinion. 

* It's much easier to deal with night feedings if you're nursing. My daughter can find her "food source" in pitch darkness.....even when I'm asleep.  With bottle feeding, you need to get up, heat up bottle, sit up and feed baby......I think I would have gone crazy doing that. 

* Don't be embarrassed if your child has a tantrum in public. Most people don't even notice. 

* Spontaneity in your life will grind to a halt.  No more "just grab 2 outfits and drive out of town for the weekend". You now have to pack and plan for so many what-ifs....what if he poops, what if he gets a fever on the NJ Turnpike, What if he spits up on my nice top, what if we get stuck on the highway in the winter.....

* Kiss spontaneity in the bedroom goodbye.....for a while.

* When you go to the hospital (if you end up there), you will have hopefully one nurse out of the endless parade who is just awesome.....remember her/his name.....thank them later with a gift. 

* Get ready for "what-I- think-is-best-for-baby arguments" with your partner. 

* Write/record/photograph the important moments.  You might think you will remember it all, yet, they all fade because there are so many quirks that appear and then pass through even in a year. 

* You must keep a journal for each child. I do this and feel it will be the best present for them for when they come of age. I write an entry on each of their journals a few times a month. 

* If you are the one always taking pictures, make sure you make others take pictures of you with your baby. 

* Wait for 2-3 days to take pictures of baby......they get their best color after being out for a few days. 

* My hubby and I saved $884/year on putting Nora on washable diapers. We use the Bum Genius brand; it's one-size-fits-all, expandable, and has strong durable Velcro tabs. When we use them, we place the inserts on top, no in the pocket it comes with as indicated. And....I made extra inserts with extra cotton baby blankets we had laying around. My hubby washes off poop which helps.....I could not do it otherwise.  

* One thing I wish I'd ask for at my baby shower was "babysitting coupons". 

* At the hospital prefer you not do this, you can always have the baby room with you after birth......I had Nora in bed with me the entire time I was there the day after my c-section. It broke my heart to have her in the baby room screaming her head off. 

* If you are exhausted and need more sleep in your day.....get a huge bed and bring in baby with you....you both will sleep better.....oh, and about rolling over baby.....unless you are dead drunk, or drugged, I never worried about it. 

* Feeling like you are not getting anything done during those long nursing sessions and too much baby time?  rent some CD books on tape from your local library, rip them to your I-pod and relax.......

* As a pregnant woman you get all the attention.  Once baby comes, it's all about baby......Some women have a hard time with this......

* I wish with both my kids that I learned a lullaby that the baby would listen to and help baby relax.....oh well, next baby...

* Before baby is born decide on some new fun traditions you will add to your new growing family.....One we decided on was going to the Thanksgiving Day Parade each year and the photo of us there would be our X-mas photo for that year. 

* Don't waste your money on commercial photo places.....pics you take at home of your child in natural settings will always come out better!  

* YOU NEED a digital camera...you can take as many as needed to get the right shot....have it charged and ready nearby in case.....and save pics in folders labeled by month/year format ....(0902 is February 2009). You can back them up also by uploading them onto an online album such as Snapfish.com....(my favorite online photo place). 

* As much as you may want to quickly get to see how they'd be at 5, 8, 12.....21 and imagine all the fun things you'll be doing together then, put those thoughts aside and enjoy them as they are now......They'll never be this small again....Even tomorrow they will be one day older....

***The print above is a digital collage created by myself and could be purchased at my older Etsy store.