Shoe me love- Keep your words

         You can't always get what you want in the way you want it.....Once understood, this understanding could bring so much peace and happiness....yes, happiness. 

       As human beings, we greatly fear and work hard to avoid things not going our way. We spend a lot of time and energy planning ways to manipulate situations, emotions and even work hard as to avoid the huge uncertainty that is disappointment.  This way of thinking is very laborious, yet, one in which most of us fail to see how much we really take part in daily. Most people I come across on a daily basis try very hard to make things go their way, yet, it's a useless and worthless endeavor that can only bring more suffering. When we complain, when we get defensive at the way someone behaves, when something unplanned happens that cause us stress, what do most people do? They start calculating ways to make things go differently. Let me explain. 

      I am not sure when I stopped trying to change people, but I firmly believe, for some time now, that people don't change unless they want to change...PERIOD. I myself am a perfect example of this. My mom use to lecture me (and my sister) for hours and hours and I went on to make all my own personal brand of mistakes, I am talking about massively dumb and stupid mistakes, ones that could have easily gotten me killed or maimed.  None of which I'd like to share here, ever! Of course, as most believe, I could have just avoided all this pain and suffering in my early life by simply following her words of wisdom, yet, as I stated at the beginning, humans never change unless they want to and I only wanted to change years later, on my own terms, in my own time. I finally changed when I read books from people I admired, I changed when I met or read about people who've inspired me in the way they lives and the things they did. I changed when I needed words of wisdom in my life and I sought out to find the right ways of thinking. But, most importantly, I changed when I wanted to change. 

         The biggest take-away here is that it's a total waste of time to fight what is, it's a total waste of time to stick your hands in anyone's life thinking you have the magic key to their happiness, or the right words to bring about nirvana(, not to mention a bit egoistic as well). We, individually, don't hold the key to everyone's problems, in fact, only the individual knows what will help them get out of their own personal hell, or karma. When people behave unpredictably, most people, viscerally, make an effort to try to change this behavior. We do this in many ways, sometimes in such subtle ways, we might not even know we are doing it, sometimes, not so subtle. I have found myself doing that in my own marriage by either pouting, or becoming silent and cold when my husband behaves a way I in which I disagree. 

        Recently, more and more I have felt the need to affect others less and less. My inaction when things don't go my way does not mean I don't care, it just means that I know the nature of humanity and I trust that the person involved will, on their own terms, find their way, without my personalized brand of wisdom getting in the way. To try and change another's mind is futile and wasteful. So now, when things don't go as I wish I say my peace, then simply sit in love. Nothing leaves me but love, not contempt, not passive aggressiveness, not defensiveness. At age 44 I know that the act of love is allowing others to be themselves at their most basic, common denominator level self they cold be and not fighting it, at all. The act of love is called "allow". 

          But I have found there IS a way to more effectively ring about change in others without ever opening your mouth, and that is through action. I have learned this lesson from none other than my husband who has taught me so much about true friendship, and without ever uttering a single words about the subject mind you. His actions as an equal partner and member of our family says love daily. Also, my grandmother, who lived her 98 years of life true to her deep convictions and who treated all people she came across with respect, kindness and hospitality, no matter how they behaved towards her. Actions, as you see, are more pure than words ever could be, for they require you yourself to live your convictions and as the quote says, "Actions speak louder than words." 

          I believe running has helped me see the simplicity and the beauty of actions (versus mere words). For example, one can talk about running all they want, but it's the action of running that makes you a runner. Same goes for love, you can say you love 'unconditionally' all you want, but it's the act of loving unconditionally that makes that statement true. Loving unconditionally does not say, "I love you IF", it says, "I love you regardless of.....". Perhaps, that is why ultimately I have never been a big fan of overly flowery compliments or gushy accolades. In fact, to be totally honest, they have always made me a bit uneasy....okay, very uneasy. Flowery compliments and gushy language just clouds things rather than clarify, they make things more complex and less simple. Besides, once love is professed, does one really need to renew one's love vows so often? And if yes? Why? what does that say about the quality of that love? In a marriage, for example, I feel the partnership, the camaraderie of the relationship and  the friendship alone fills me with so much love; need we continually fan some flame with flowery words? 

The value of living inspirations....

                           
                              I once read a book by Linda Goodman, I don't remember which for I read them all and they blend together in my mind, but in this one particular book Goodman mentions that the Universe, God, Great Spirit (what ever YOU may call it) sends down human anomalies in order to give us hope. Mind you, these are not her 'exact' words, but my mere interpretation of her message, so bear with me. Goodman's one of many examples of such anomalies were of people who have managed to live way, way beyond humanly believed possible. But without going so far out there, let's look at even less extreme examples of these human anomalies, like people who accomplish great feats whom we hear about in the news, or read about in history books. In my mind, I think, "no way can I rise to the same level as these great men and women, and in thinking that way justify in our minds that we and them are essentially night and day. Through THAT line of thinking we allow ourselves to stay where we are. But what if, what IF we are sent these great leaders in human form, specifically so that we can think JUST the opposite? How about the thinking that perhaps these people were placed on this earth at these times, to inspire us to aim higher in the rungs of humanity? Why not? we have whole religions built on just that scenario; someone is born and lives a human life, suffers, and in their human life do amazing things, and inspires others by example. 

                             In my life journey so far,  I have found running and daily juicing as these powerful catalysts for my own personal change. The daily supplemental juicing of daily 60+ ounces of vegetables and fruits has eliminated most of my food cravings. In addition, juicing has given me the gift of emotional balance, and health and energy beyond ever experienced. Running has given me the gifts of mental toughness, confidence and keen self-awareness; and these, mind you, are just some of the benefits. We could easily be here all day going through the varied benefits of running. Suffice it to say that this transformation has been so beyond my wildest dreams; I could have never 'planned' to come this far, I only imagined it vaguely and began arming myself with one right action after another. Often, I will share on Facebook, on in my blogs on on Twitter about my feats of the week. Perhaps some may conclude about me that this type of personal sharing on such a public forum to be a form of bragging, maybe annoying, maybe even, boisterous. Yet,  I know the nature of inspiration now after years and years of futile and turturous attempts to change those around me via various methods such as lecturing, begging, manipulating, pouting.  Why go through all that? No one changes for others and stay that way for long. Yet, all along the answer is quite simple; all it takes to help change others for the better is to first and only change oneself, all other external attempts to change the world are a total waste of time. 

                           I know a tad about inspiration. Inspiration is what gave me hope in my darkest hours and provided me a map to a brighter future. Unfortunately, I have never been, and still to this day I am not, one to do therapy or bear my soul to a perfect stranger. Tried it a few times and it felt plastic and the suggestions I was getting lacked something else I needed but could not pin point.  Therefore, while growing up, when I needed answers and a way to label and make sense of all baggage I had carried with me up to that point, I turned to books. Authors became my guiding light, my confidantes, my coaches, my therapy. I often state that reading books by great people with an open heart has saved my life. As time went on and with the upsurge of the internet, I began following the works of living inspirations online, not just authors, but people of all walks of life and found that, in fact, all around us, great, amazing, wonderful, strong, beautiful, and compassionate people abide. People who have done great things despite what seems like unsurmoutable obstacles. My focus became fine-tuned to finding these living inspirational 'anomalies', as I call them. I was thirsty to find the light keepers, the people whom despite enduring great hardship have remained positive, light, open, then have gone on to conquer their fears and turn their lives around. Why reinvent the wheel when these people were right here sharing their battles, their formulas, their entire cadre of wisdom through their books, their blogs, their very actions even? Amazing humans around us are living testament to what we too can become. And contrary to the way we traditionally treat gurus and great teachers, they are not primarily placed here to be oohhhdd and ahhhed over some altar. They help no one sitting in an altar. Their journeys are meant to be more like maps, life maps. Like snails on a dewey morning, they leave behind trails that literally anyone can follow. 

                                   I have long stopped giving people a list of authors or of people to look up as a way to inspire them to begin their own transformational journey. Everyone has to find their very own teachers in life. Teachers come in all forms and they are as individual as you are unique. What helped me, may not speak to you. Although my journey is a map to what is possible, you still need to fine-tune your heart to be able to recognize what moves you, what speaks to you, what calls you. The secret here being .....WHAT. MOVES. YOU. When found, the secret of what moves you will feed you, comfort you, fill you with purpose, you will feel and be invincible and life will feel successful regardless of external factors. 

                                  But some adults have a hard time knowing, identifying and even looking for what moves them. Being hopeful and dreaming big is something that is in us naturally, but can be lost for more practical considerations.  Unfortunately, everything about current life seems to work hard to tamp down hopes and dreams. Security breeds fear. Fear, if believed, tells us to stay put, and there, in an instant, our dreams are sacrificed for the sake of security. When my own kids tell me they are BORED, for example, this is my wake up call. Boredom is not bad per se, but what one does when bored, or with their time in general, is very telling of the health of their big dreams. These days, our children need to be supported in finding what moves them. Sadly, every 'happiness' children now profess to have seems to be externally produced. To name a few: Video games, TV shows, Ipad app games, iphones, texting, and messaging. IF a child reaches for externally-driven fun within 1.3 seconds of experiencing the first wave of discomfort there is a huge problem. It's an addiction. I call it an addition because that is what it is, plain and simple. Here's the test to prove to you that yes, in fact, it's an addition. Take just one of your child's external fun away for 2 or even days and see this seemingly docile child become a total monster for those two days. THAT is an addicted child. (note: If you are afraid to try this little test, then the addition is pretty far along already and you will need a serious intervention) Life happens outside screen time. Let me repeat, L.I. F.E. happens outside screen time. If LIFE is not experienced as a child, then when will they learn to live it?

                                All of us have the ability to rise up to do great things in this precious life, ALL of us have that little diamond nugget of a seed inside our hearts that, when listened too, can guide us in the right direction, but first we must be taught that it's even possible to reach great heights and that yes, we have the ability to follow our big dreams and that is called hope. We must look for and surround ourselves with people in our life that carry this hope, that inspire us and expect us to be our best selves. Last, we must raise our children to reconnect with their own simple, self-driven inner contentment so that they may live a life with purpose, and full self -awareness. 

One benefit to running.....

I have now been running since July of last year and there have been many benefits to adding running to my daily routine. Today I am going to only talk about one of those benefits; its ability to teach you how to handle discomfort more gracefully. 

On any given run one comes across killer hills, sudden leg cramps, even slight discomforts that may come, yet, within just a few blocks all is back to normal again, this may happen several times in a run and at the end of each discomfort everything always feels just fine....a few blocks later. Similarly, in my daily life, I have noticed that when I come across annoying, uncomfortable and mood-altering situations in I now react to them much differently than I did before running entered my life. I know that with time, anger, moodiness, contempt will all pass and I'll be fine. All that's required is full, unquestionable acceptance of the negative mood (not fighting it) and patience. 

Last week I woke up moody, I went through the whole morning with this added heavy cloud hanging over me. Typically, needing to rid myself of the discomfort of this bad mood, I would have either started a fight with my loved ones, or would have turned every situation to some negative result where I would have to later dole out apologies of all sorts. This time though was different, I chose instead to simply allow the dark mood to live in me as long as it needed to be there, that I would not fight it. I treated the negative feeling like a ball of bad energy that would soon fade to nothing and leave my body. Sure enough by the evening I was fine, the cloud had lifted, the mood had left my body as trusted it soon would. I felt so incredibly proud of myself for I came out of one of these moods unscathed. In the past I would have surely done some damage along the way in my attempts to rid myself of the discomfort of the bad mood. Not this time. This time, I had not gotten into any fights with anyone, I did not snap at anyone, I did not even negatively react to the many normally annoying situations that popped up on any given day. 

I see running as the Universe's gift to me this year; I simply cannot imagine my life without it. The benefits that running have brought to my life in just 6 months are so numerous and so amazingly life-changing that I cannot help to want to try and convince everyone of them....

On starting the day with a CLEAN SLATE!!

One of the most important thing to remember as a teacher and a parent is that every new day is a clean slate. Kids are incredibly sensitive people that pick up on the even most minute negative energy coming from an adult and to know that any past mishaps are forgiven and forgotten is so essential in being able to move forward. I know this because I remember just knowing my 'place' in the class based on my teacher's actions. I remember being in a shy and quiet 4th grader, an English language learner, struggling at home and at school, and knowing instinctually how my teachers felt about me from the ever so subtle bits and fragments of social cues I picked up from them. As young people we learn to weave together bits of action clues from the grown-up world and interpret all those actions into some kind of kid-friendly truth by which we then build our world and our own truths.

Yesterday, in the heat of being placed in time-out for having bothered his sister for the 4th time, my 6-year old son yells out how he loves dad a 'billion' times more than me. I have heard comments such as these before and I know how meaningless they are coming from an angry, out-of-control child being placed in time-out. But this time, those words stopped me in my tracks. I made sure he did not get the satisfaction of seeing me crumble, but inside I was stung, I was hurt. I emotionally pulled inside for a few hours while we drove around looking at houses (we are house hunting) and all along I knew what the right thing to do was, it was just hard to get there as my hurt struggled to close him off emotionally. From knowing the science of pain and suffering, I knew and trusted that the sting of those words would fade from my body in time and that I would not feel this hurt for long. As the Buddhists explain, pain is just an energy force that run through our body. I was going to not react until it faded.

As I knew it would, at around bedtime the words have lost their sting and I felt the hurt leave me, I felt lighter already. I pulled my son aside and told him how hurt those words made me feel and that dad and I loved him so much, and how special he was to us, and how being our first child, he was first imagined in a wish between dad and I. I then reminded him how people's hearts are delicate and easily broken and that words are very powerful tools that can cause great pain or great happiness. He apologized, kissed and hugged. He felt good that he could fix something and I felt great that I could let go and breathe....

As I walked back to bed with true peace back at my side I was reminded of Tyler Perry. I am a HUGE Tyler Perry fan. In his movies he emphasizes that forgiveness is not for the perpetrator, forgiveness is for us, it helps the victim.....and in his words, "There's nothing like real forgiveness, a deep-down forgiveness ..." . How true those words ring tonight.

You show me yours and I'll show you mine

(I knew I'd get you to read me with that title)

At 37 years old I just came to two realizations. I just realized that there are two kinds of people; the ones who evaluate their living and the ones who don't. The second realization is that I tend to gravitate towards the ones who do. One of the reasons I love Oprah so much (yes, even though she had Michelle Rhee on her show....I'd forgiven her) is because she is the most famous reflective person I know. Who else do you know who is world-famous and has exposed so much about her past; even the bad parts. She is who she is because she has taken control of her own narrative about her life and bared her soul to her public and in doing that she has allowed us all to feel better in our own skin.

My oldest friend, Jenna, is also a self-reflective soul. I can recall spending hours with her talking about life lessons, spirituality and all other aspects of living fully. My general rule of thumb about friendships is you have to show me who you are. I want to see the soft, mushy, even ugly side. Opening up this way allows not only you to be you, but me to be me. In flipping that rule and applying it to myself, I find it incredibly important to be openly self-reflective in my public life. When I feel stupid I admit it, when I feel excited to get visibly giddy, when I feel hurt I get sad. Ripping the separating walls open in ourselves and sharing the stuff we all tend to hide from everyone allows people around us be less harsh to themselves and to allow their own walls to fall too.

I just watched an interview last week with Ricky Martin on Oprah. He came out as gay on the show and Oprah had several gay Latinos come on the show and express how Ricky's coming out allowed them to come out to their families. I was a mess watching this, it was such a powerful message. These people who would have otherwise lived a lie for many more years, yet, suddenly made a decision purely based on this famous person's decision to come out himself. What an incredible gift we give ourselves and others when we allow ourselves to shine from within and to trust that who we are on the inside is valid and important and essential for others to grow. The mere act of purely loving ourselves unfolds into a gift for all the people we touch.

For all these reasons, openly self-reflective people bring me to a higher level, they feed me with soul food and allow me to search further within myself. It's like living at a different, a higher frequency. I am reminded of my mom's age-old words that go something like, "tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are." What do our friends say about who we are and most importantly about where we want to go?

We CAN create our own MEANINGFUL rituals

There is a great Buddhist story that teaches about our human ability to choose meaningful rituals for ourselves. The story takes place in a Buddhist monastery. The monks are meditating and they hear a cat meowing loudly. This happens every time they are mediating so the monk in charge orders that all cats be tied up before mediation begins and let go right after. Years later, this 'practice' had become rolled and enmeshed into how the monks do their meditation, that it became routine to find a cat, even when none was meowing, and bind him before any mediation was to begin. No one knew quite why this was, only that it was part of their sacred ritual.

I think of this story and ask myself, what do I do daily that's a ritual, yet carries no true and genuine purpose? The first thought that comes to mind are the roles we play. Through TV, media, parents, books, we come to learn and understand that there are certain 'roles' we become part of in life, roles as mothers, as friends, as partners. We strap on these sets of preset expectations and do not see the unnecessary weight they carry in our every day lives, in all our decisions. We essentially become trapped by them. In some ways these roles are like walls to the world. They become like cold shields, protecting us from the world outside.

In my opinion, the institution of marriage carries the most sets of expectations often creating much unneeded suffering to all involved. How many times have we thought "If only she loved me THIS way", or "If he could only really UNDERSTAND me". All this pain and suffering comes from a one-size-fit all expectations within a marriage. I will never forget having a discussion with my husband about him not being "demonstrative" enough. An argument I am pretty sure 90% of women have had with their spouse at one time or another. His response brought me quickly back to reality and allowed me to plainly see that love was flowing all along, just not in the wave length I was looking for. He said, "I talk to you, you don't see me sharing anything with anyone else do you?".

Institutionalized religions also has a tendency to carry within it routines and set of expectations that may also no longer be applicable to our lives today. A good example I encountered a few months back as a baptism I was photographing. During the baptism's reception, I come to find out that one of the godparents did not consider themselves 'religious' and that he had to go through an accelerated set of rituals to be godparent-ready. Would you consider these rituals this godparent has to go through a genuine and true spiritual awakening or a mere spiritually meaningless hurdle ? Obviously the majority find great and deep meaning behind the ritual, but for those who don't, shouldn't the priority be genuine belief?

A few years back I worked at an amazing school where most people often brought god, Jesus or the the church up in conversation. I absolutely did not and do not mind this type of interaction; I love discussing spirituality with anyone. What I did mind was the assumption that if I did not speak on spiritual terms, with spiritual words that somehow I was not in their same level spiritually, or that I must need to be saved. This assumption that somehow the absence of an outward expression of awe for the Infinite somehow translated to the absence of a spiritual center is a huge wall to the world. This is a great example of the unnecessary expectation carried on by certain roles. We should absolutely always question these assumption in order to see people and life clearer. Is talking about being religious really an essential part of being godly?

Following our own advice to our kids might actually help US!!

Problems are everywhere. You talk to anyone and surely they are in the middle of some difficult issue in their lives, a tough decision they need to make, or a tough change must be implemented, etc. No matter what your status is in life you cannot escape the turning of the 'wheel of fortune'. Some days will be easy, some days will be like walking in peanut butter.

I had a very tough week this week. Every turn I made seemed to create a larger negative affect. The more I tried to dig myself out of my funk the more I seemed to drown in it. I was trying desperately to go back to homeostasis yet the more I tried the more I drowned in discomfort. While going through this, I reached out several times to my trusty Buddhist philosophy. In Buddhism you are encouraged to be with the discomfort and not fight it. Pain and discomfort is seen as mere balls of energy going through a predictable path, a path that will evade and fade away. Instead of utilizing valuable energy trying to make it all just go away, I should have just sat with it and allowed my toughs to settle and allowed my mind to see my problems for what they were; nothing.

In retrospect, It's obvious that I have a lot of work to do implementing the teachings of the Buddha for I still react no different than my kids do in times of stress. I have two young kids, ages 3 and 6. Every once in a while (or more frequently) they argue about very absurd things. Absurd to me of course. Obviously, to them, what they argue over is so important and seemingly central to their survival here on earth that it must be resolved that very moment. The grand dramatics around their arguments is so intense and so fierce that a neighbor might just think they are being beaten to a pulp. Yes, all this ruckus over maybe a wooden block of which we have dozens of, or some other insignificant item that was on its way to the trash perhaps. But in analyzing my own actions this week, I too am trying so hard to not feel the discomfort that I make it twice as difficult to get out of the discomfort. I should at these times take to heart the advice I offer my kids and (1) have them "take a deep breath", and to (2) "think about how just a few minutes ago you were fine and you could not possibly be dying".

Fearlessness

Fear

I have visited fear hundreds of times

seen its ugly face and heard it urging me to disappear

to shrink,

become nothing

fear loves you bowing to it

freezing, trembling, paralyzed as it slithers near

disappear, disappear, disappear

But like child's play

the game begins to lose hold the more it happens

you question its danger

will it injure me?

will it kill?

If I'm struck, will it hurt?

You experience that even in the darkest of darks good things arise

you learn

you grow

....and then suddenly

the fear, the paralysis, the trembling fades away

fear's repeated abuse of its own power

has taught you

that the result of all this pain

may not be a bad thing

in fact,

in may be great, good, just the same as before.

Then comes fearlessness.

Fearlessness is a result of hours of pain

and experience with

fear itself.

Fearlessness is the gift we get

from years of fear education

I have seen the gifts of misfortune and

know and trust that all will be just fine

for even the most unwanted of trategies bears fruit

to hope, beauty and growth

In all its ugliness, life is beautiful.....

Life turns all this ugliness into gold

if

if

if you trust the cycle of human growth and potential

I direct my words, actions and activities to proceed

only guided by my own inner compass.

Come at me with any costume, any form,

control

humiliation,

disrespect,

maliciousness,

it will not be the first time,

or the last ugliness that has come knocking

the door is unlocked and wide open

Spiritual Growth of the Difficult People

Sometimes you might run into a full fledged grown-up and based on their behavior you wonder about their self-reflective abilities and level of spiritual growth. I have recently stopped assuming that simply because someone is on this earth for a few decades that somehow they would have learned how to be a decent human being. In the not too distant past, I might have invested quite a bit of time and energy trying to figure out just why this person acted in such a manner or try to figure out just the right words or actions to bring them forward. I have come to learn the hard way that some of us need several lifetimes to get it together and most importantly, I have also learned to not wait around for people to change. This way of thinking has been incredibly liberating. It has released me from wanting anything from these people and has allowed me to able to coexist wonderfully amongst them without much suffering on my part.

So next time you run into a difficult personality. Do not worry about what to say, how to say it, or what way you could possibly do to influence this person in any way. Simply allow them to be just who they are. Allowing by no means is the same as tolerating. 'Tolerating' has a sense of 'holding one's breath'. Allowing, on the other hand, has a feel of mutually and peacefully coexisting within the same space. It means not wanting to change anything that's coming at you. It means simply accepting it. Work, live and exist around these difficult beings while also fully being yourself.

Spiritual and personal growth is a type of learning we do on our own time, driven purely by our own internal drive. It's not like school where you must learn a certain topic by a certain time frame or grade. No one sits with you and teaches you how to grow as a human being; it's a very lonely and innately individual path. Also, I must clarify that by spiritual growth, I do not necessarily mean 'religious'. I grew up around plenty of self-proclaimed 'religious' people who very obviously lacked some very basic self-reflective abilities required for true spiritual growth. By spiritual here, I mean a person who continuously assesses their own words, actions, interactions, and daily lives through their own self-constructed and constantly-evolving criteria.

It seems to me that people who have been through great suffering in life find and embrace spiritual growth more readily. I began reading Zen, Buddhist and Taoist teachings shortly after hearing about them in my world religions class in a Catholic high school. The words and texts felt like cool rain on a hot day. They rang true to me as no other teachings I have encountered since. They healed my wounds and helped me redefine me to myself by who I truly was and not through my past painful experiences. I know this might sound very odd after all I have been thorough, but I feel blessed everyday to have had such tough times, for I am who I am because of these struggles. The world IS perfect as it is and I am living proof of this fact.

Do I want my understanding or your approval?

Too often, in our quest to be 'good' we get too caught up in gaining the approval of others. I once heard a friend tell me she does not post her thoughts about her politics on Facebook for she does not want to 'offend' her friends. Now, that would only make sense if you were politically affiliated with some hate group perhaps, but I absolutely do not prescribe to such set of ideas. I cannot imagine straddling worries about what is going on within me, AND what is going on in minds external to myself; and try to control it.

I find that when dealing with people who may come from very varying paths as one you might encounter on a social media format it's best to be a single way with all of them and allow the balls fall where they may, with a huge emphasis on the word ALLOW. Spiritually, my journey calls for congruence of thought and actions to one's true self. This approach allows all other concerns about external consequences to our actions to just fall away, as if they never mattered at all. And they don't matter. People who may have their doors closed to you might never open them enough to see you as a good, valuable or an even decent person. Therefore, this 'ALLOWING' approach lets you still value your own voice, your own path, your own journey and most importantly, your own understanding.

The quest of a spiritual person should not be to achieve the ultimate set of good graces by others, or being thought of as saintly even. The goal of a spiritual being should be to (1) value their own journey and voice enough to not hesitate being themselves always and through that (2) allow others to also be where they are on their path without feeling the need to change them or reacting to them or their actions. I find this part of my spiritual journey particularly key in keeping me focused. my own journey is ultimately all that matters for I'm the one who has to live with myself.

You will always encounter people on our path who may be rude, aloof, unfriendly, or just plain mean spirited toward you . When this happens, I remind myself that I can only control what I can control and others' preconceptions of me are out of my hands. I have this saying that I think about every time I encounter a person who for whatever reason has written me off before they've even spoken to me. The thought is, "You'd love me if you knew me." Equally, in times when I experience a deep dislike of someone I do not even know, I also remind myself how I do not know this person and maybe once I knew them, I'd surely like them too.

My journey for example, has taken me so many places it would make your head spin. If my own humble path has an amazing story to tell, surely others' stories also carry just as many twists and turns and its own weight in learning experiences. As the saying goes, 'life is stranger than fiction'. You can live life open and allow others to teach you about humanity and yourself or you can live your life cushioned by your preconceptions with a proverbial wall surrounding your true self and learn nothing......the choice is yours.

Rule through control OR respect?

Would you rather rule through control or respect?

Let's think about this.

Control gives you power

but it's the type of power

that must be continuously tended,

increasingly reinforced

Plus, if you care what others think about you,

it's not a pretty revelation

to rule by fear

On the other hand, having other's respect versus control may seem less glamorous,

immediately less tangible.

Yet, ironically, it might just bear more power than being controlling could ever muster.

In fact, people will go through great lengths to do your bidding

to please you,

to search your advice,

just because

it brings a rich sense of value to their lives.

When you impassion a fire in others' through your actions

you bring purpose to their lives

make then feel spiritually rich,

and all that is worth it's weight in gold.

Think of it in terms of an abusive husband vs. one you look up to because you think he's super smart.

In an abusive relationship

you might follow one's ideas and commands

purely based on fear.

On the other hand, in a relationship

where you may think your husband is super smart,

you might follow what he says from sheer adoration

I'll take the genuine me, imperfections and all

"Learn to be quiet enough to hear the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in others." -Marian Wright Edelman I think above all else in my spiritual path I seek to be ME. Not the cliche 'me' we learn about in self-esteem, self-help books or mix and match new age ideas. What I seek is the 'me' that is fully human, present and available to a common everyday world. Seems quite easy to toss it aside claiming it too elementary and almost overlook its irrevocable depth. On the contrary, it's secrets are monumentally revolutionary in nature and have the potential to affect world change. Imagine getting frustrated at someone and allowing yourself to actually walk the path of frustration without rushing to define it, or stuff it away, forcing yourself to feel something else incongruent to your very nature at that moment. I have abandoned long ago trying to change the world through telling people how to live their lives. Now my only aim is to bring comfort to people in my presence by simply being myself. From my own experience I have learned that most people are repelled or drained by unsolicited advice and lectures and that they do nothing to create change in my ways of thinking no matter how hard I may think I should. Yet, when I meet a person who is so comfortable in their own body that it oozes out of every pore, I am drawn by their actions and voraciously seek out their ideas, thoughts and story. Also, in their presence I also feel immediately at ease and yet they do not need to utter a single word, for their actions speak volumes. Remember, blindly trust that human beings have always been able to distinguish true brightness in human actions and that no verbal reminders are needed to solidify your credentials in people's minds. In the end, it's more meaningful and a longer lasting lesson to learn through example than through the guidance of someone else's words.

Listen to your feelings to find inner peace....yes, even ONLINE

I have come to learn that humans communicate in whole other levels aside from the basic forms of communication we know of, such as talking to one another or using body language to convey meaning. I have come to believe that there is a whole undercurrent of communication that happens that very often outweigh in helping us make decisions; big decisions such as whether to trust a person or not. Over the years I believe my ability to utilize this 'skill', if you may call it that, has become more and more trustworthy.

Often we feel guilty in allowing ourselves to feel repulsed by someone else's actions. For example a person might annoy us or rub us the wrong way and our immediate reaction is to 'turn the other cheek' or doubt the validity of our own feelings. We might suppress it and never once question why we actually feel annoyed. You CAN choose to literally respect your gut feelings or choose to do the total opposite and take a doubting stance towards yourself and suppress these feelings. But if we actually stay in the emotion as it arises we might learn something about ourselves. Perhaps our body's reaction to the situation is trying to tell us something about this person in relation to ourselves. I say "our body" for very often a feeling of simple annoyance comes with bodily reactions such a heart rate increase, or ever-so-minute muscle tightening, etc. Nevertheless, if we choose to look into it or the very least respect it, we might find that it might be better off not being around the person.

Lately, I've had to force myself to be, I guess you can call it "ruthless", on my social media sites such as twitter and Facebook due to my attempt to respect my reactions and my goal of purposefully aiming for peace in all my social relations. When situations, comments and/or dynamics create uncomfortable situations in my thoughts I listen tothese thoughts and to the way they make me feel. Now this is where being a mom has helped me save myself and has allowed me to better execute my goals for myself. Having 2 children now that I would simply die for in an instant has made me feel my own sense of worth and AWESOME power. If you have children you understand what I mean. A mothers' love is awe-inspiring to say the least. To give you some background, I grew up struggling with issues of worth and worthiness. Coming of age without a father around, who just happened to be alive and well, can do that to any young woman. But being a mother has given me back my power to value myself JUST as much as I value my kids. Therefore in valuing myself comes not allowing negative energies to invade your space. The discomfort I feel at any point in any interaction must be listened to, respected and acted upon if I am to find inner and outer peace in life; hence the ruthlessness with my social media sites as I would in real-life interactions. Just because someone is being rude on the computer does not mean it should be allowed. Listen to your discomforts too and CUT IT, cut it out fast and clean; in whatever form you see fit. Try it, you will see that your life too becomes much simpler too.

Buddhist beliefs about happiness

Buddhists believe that happiness and suffering arise from the mind. In particular suffering comes from negative minds called delusions; minds such as hatred, ignorance and craving. Happiness comes from positive minds such as love, patience and wisdom. By purifying the mind of its negativities and increasing its positive states we can attain increasingly happy states of mind. When the mind is completely pure we attain the ultimate happiness of enlightenment and become a Buddha.

information about Buddhism and image of word found at: http://www.meditationinliverpool.org.uk/HTML-Pages/About-Buddhism/Buddhist-Beliefs.html

first image above borrowed from: http://www.thethreadsthatbindus.net/innerdragonreiki.htm

Again, proof that there are no accidents....

I had an amazing incident yesterday that has again reaffirmed my belief that there are no accidents in this universe we live in. That if we train ourselves to find these little traces of magic we can experience life in a much richer way.

The magic began in the early afternoon when I met with the mother of a deceased friend who had taken his beautiful life 3 years ago and whom we both very much still miss terribly. She wanted to meet with me to give me boxes of his art supplies her son had bought just months before his passing and never got to use. This was a bittersweet experience for me. I cried the entire drive back home thinking of how much I miss him and all the hope these supplies carried in them and now I am getting them....with a promise to bring them back to life. Aside from getting acrylic paintings which I use in my work, I also got tons of watercolors....

As I was driving back home and after crying, I had 2 concerns. One, In order to use the watercolors I would have to buy watercolor paper and other supplies that are needed for this media such as a watercolor board which one uses to tape the paper onto so as to avoid buckling. The second concern was my husband's reaction. We live in a tiny 850 square foot, 2-bedroom apartment with very little storage room. I could already hear him in my head asking me where would all this stuff go.

After I got home, as I lay in bed recovering from my drive in 99 degree weather in a car with no AC, my son comes in running and all excited with a brand new watercolor board (see below) and tells me he found it and is giving it to me. Living in an apartment in a city with a high turnover has its positives and one of them is that people throw away perfectly good things. It just so happens tonight I get a watercolor board, 10 minutes from my arrival home I get what I need. I felt a huge surge thinking how wonderfully odd and magical this was.

About an hour later and as the huge boxes of art supplies sit blocking the hallway I decide to go down and check the mail. It just so happens that I had a package. To my stunning surprise my mom and sister had sent me a cute colorful shelving system (below). I took it up to my apartment, built it with the kids, and it was able to easily absorb all my new supplies. Again, twice in one night, I get exactly what I need from the universe. I could not help to feel blessed. Someone up there is pulling some strings for me....if even for this small way......it felt wonderful.

I just know my lost friend has something to do with this magical experience and it confirms to me not only his continuing love but of the pure magic we all have all around us if we only choose to see it.....

What weird coincidences have you experienced in your life?