Never Say Never - In parenting we learn too

                        If there is something having kids does to you is it teaches you to never say 'never'. Back in the day at the beginning of my mommy journey, I had no idea that through the course of being a mom I would be forced to become an expert on things I would have never dreamed of or ever cared for. Currently, my daughter, who is 5, is obsessed with Justin Beiber. She loves to learn lyrics to songs she hears and on youtube they often have the song paired with lyrics making it easier to help me help her learn words to her favorite song. It was one video of him singing and she began asking me to search out more of his songs....and the rest id history. It was THAT fast. For those of you who would not be able to pick this guy up from a line-up, think of me!!....I could not either, about 2 months ago. Now, I know ALL about this young celebrity, and I must admit, I actually think he's quite talented. I now know all his lyrics, I would easily be able to pick out which songs are sung by him, plus, I know lots of miscellaneous facts about the young man that now fill my head for no reason other than to be able to communicate and speak with my daughter on her interests. 

                 Now, don't think for a New York minute that you are exempt to this phenomenon. this experience I just described is not an exception to the rule, this experience is not a singular, one-time, freak incident of parenthood, this is a reality for ALL parents, plus, it happens many, many times, as the child grows. To illustrate, when my son was one and half he was obsessed with school buses, then trucks, then trash trucks, then construction trucks. Oh, how we'd run to the front door of our home each trash-pick-up day and observe the trash being hauled away and the school children being whisked away to school. We'd all wave frantically at any and all yellow buses as if someone we knew or loved was each of them. Furthermore, my husband and I learned the official name of all the trucks on any given construction site and bought videos and books pertaining to the world of trucks. Now that he is eight we are also experts in baseball, football, outer space, Einstein, basic physics and the list goes on and on. 

             You might go into child-rearing with a certain plan, a certain idea of how YOU are going to run this 'ship'. But we soon learn that we are not in control of who this little person wants to become. We find that the word 'never' has no place or power in this new reality. For example, I went into parenting thinking ' I am not a sports fan, I hate organized sports', but just a few short years later, I am  cheering like a crazy woman at your son's Little League baseball games and simply loving it. You see, this reality of parenting is not by any means a negative thing, on the contrary, it is an absolutely wonderful thing to go through (if you have the right perspective). Allowing the narrative of your child to unfold as his soul intended makes child-rearing into a true adventure for us. It breaks us open from our own pre-set, self-imposed limitations and makes us better. We soon abandon our need to make this child into anything we thought up and come to realize that he came here with his own set of instructions, and we are just there to provide support.  I strongly propose having fun with it and staying wide open for becoming, in essence, love. For it's this deep love for our family and our little ones that help mold us, slowly into much more open human beings. 

My Newest Inspiration for Parenting and Education

              This is my son doing what he loves. When he is playing baseball he could literally do it for hours.  His attention is so focused and time seems to go by so fast. Human beings can only be GREAT at doing the things they love. As a parent it's important we find the 'element' that makes out kids tick and support them in this journey. 

                    My newest inspiration for both my current theories on education and parenting come from Sir Ken Robinson, the author of The Element. It mainly talks about the importance if finding out the huge importance at finding out what each child is great at and focusing on them to help them reach a fulfilling existence. This goes far beyond JUST being academically successful, but it's more about about feeling successful in life and getting there doing something you love. 

                    Below I have included some quotes from Ken Robinson's speeches and books just to give you a taste of what he is all about. I absolutely recommend the books to all parents, hands down. 

Ken Robinson Quotes

“The fact is that given the challenges we face, education doesn't need to be reformed -- it needs to be transformed. The key to this transformation is not to standardize education, but to personalize it, to build achievement on discovering the individual talents of each child, to put students in an environment where they want to learn and where they can naturally discover their true passions.”
― Ken Robinson, The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything 

Imagination is the source of every form of human achievement. And it's the one thing that I believe we are systematically jeopardizing in the way we educate our children and ourselves.”
― Ken Robinson

“Our task is to educate their (our students) whole being so they can face the future. We may not see the future, but they will and our job is to help them make something of it.”
― Ken Robinson, The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything

“I believe our only hope for the future is to adopt a new conception of human ecology, one in which we start to reconstitute our concept of the richness in human capacity.” 

― Ken Robinson

“Human resources are like natural resources; they're often buried deep. You have to go looking for them, they're not just lying around on the surface. You have to create the circumstances where they show themselves.”
― Ken Robinson

“We have sold ourselves into a fast food model of education, and it's impoverishing our spirit and our energies as much as fast food is depleting our physical bodies.”
― Ken Robinson

“We have to go from what is essentially an industrial model of education, a manufacturing model, which is based on linearity and conformity and batching people. We have to move to a model that is based more on principles of agriculture. We have to recognize that human flourishing is not a mechanical process; it's an organic process. And you cannot predict the outcome of human development. All you can do, like a farmer, is create the conditions under which they will begin to flourish.”
― Ken Robinson

“You cannot predict the outcome of human development. All you can do is like a farmer create the conditions under which it will begin to flourish.” 

― Ken Robinson

“Human communities depend upon a diversity of talent not a singular conception of ability”
― Ken Robinson

“If you're not prepared to be wrong ,you'll never come up with any thing original”
― Ken Robinson

“The arts especially address the idea of aesthetic experience. An aesthetic experience is one in which your senses are operating at their peak; when you’re present in the current moment; when you’re resonating with the excitement of this thing that you’re experiencing; when you are fully alive.”
― Ken Robinson

“If all you had was academic ability, you wouldn't have been able to get out of bed this morning. In fact, there wouldn't have been a bad to get out of. No one could have made one. You could have written about possibility of one, but not have constructed it.”
― Ken Robinson, Out of Our Minds: Learning to Be Creative

NEXT DC Parent Power Meeting

Monday, November 7th, 6:30-8:30pm

Juanita E. Thornton/Shepherd Park Neighborhood Library

Room: SPK Room

DC Parent Power seeks:

* Authentic public engagement
* Transparency at all stages of policy development
* Less emphasis on standardized testing
* Richer curriculum
* Strong backing for public education, as opposed to increasing privatization
* Decreasing racial and economic school segregation
* Use of proven methods in all levels of school reform
* Equitable funding for all Wards

DC Parent Power Meeting September 29 6-8pm

DC Parent Power Meeting

If you’re an education advocate living in and around DC, you are invited to join DC Parent Power or to come to one of our meetings. DC Parent Power looks for common ground for civic engagement around public education in the District.

Meeting Information:

Thursday, September 29, 2011

6:00-8:00pm

Thurgood Marshall Center (directions below)

Directions:

Thurgood Marshall Center (the historic YMCA building)

1816 12th St. NW

Conference Room 1/ first floor

2 short blocks south of the U/Street Cardozo yellow/green metro

(Street parking available, but scarce as it gets later)

This is the third gathering of a group of DCPS parents, educators, State Board of Education Representatives and education advocates coming together to improve public education by re-engaging DCPS, District government education agencies and elected officials with the major constituency who use the schools.

City families, teachers & all interested community members

are welcome and encouraged to participate

We initially came together inspired by the National Save Our Schools event on the Mall and Save Our Schools conference this summer. The initial gathering indicated strong sentiment for bringing together various pre-existing DC education advocate groups and voices throughout the city as well as:

· Authentic public engagement

· Transparency at all stages of policy development

· Less emphasis on standardized testing

· Richer/ well rounded curriculum

· Strong backing for public education, as opposed to increasing privatization

· Decreasing racial and economic school segregation

· Use of proven methods in all levels of school reform

· Equitable funding for all Wards

If interested in attending, RSVP Miriam Cutelis at Miriam.Cutelis@yahoo.com.

**Feel free to forward this invitation to other individuals or groups who might be interested.

YOU ARE INVITED: DCPS Education Advocates Organizing Meeting

DC Parent Power Organizing Meeting

Parents, teachers and education advocates are invited to an organizing meeting to look for common ground for civic engagement around public education in the District. The meeting will take place at:

Watha T. Daniel Library (Shaw Library)

1630 7th St. N.W.

Washington, DC 20001

Main meeting room

5:30-7:30 p.m

Wednesday, August 31st 2011

1 block from the Shaw/Howard Metro (Green Line)

Street parking is generally available

This is the second gathering of a group of DCPS parents and education advocates joining together to improve public education by re-engaging DCPS, District government education agencies and elected officials with the major constituency who use the schools.

City families, teachers & interested community members are welcome to participate.

We initially came together inspired by the National Save Our Schools event on the Mall and SOS Conference in July. The initial gathering indicated strong sentiment for:

· Authentic public engagement
· Transparency at all stages of policy development
· Less emphasis on standardized testing
· Richer curriculum
· Strong backing for public education, as opposed to increasing privatization
· Decreasing racial and economic school segregation
· Use of proven methods in all levels of school reform
· Equitable funding for all Wards

If interested, please contact Miriam Cutelis at Miriam.Cutelis@yahoo.com with an RSVP if you plan to attend or if you want more information.
**Feel free to forward this invitation to other individuals or groups who might be interested.

Starting a DC Chapter of Parents Across America

As if I did not have enough on my plate, I am very excited to announce I am one of two parents in the District currently involved in starting a DC Chapter of Parents Across America. I recently read A Parents Across America Position Paper on the Reauthorization of the Federal Elementary and Secondary Education Act (ESEA) – No Child Left Behind and I was so inspired by their ideas that I looked them up in DC. I was surprised to see they did not have a chapter in DC and emailed to inquire about starting one. PAA's beliefs can be found at http://parentsacrossamerica.org/what-we-believe/ . Therefore, if you live in DC, have children in public education and believe in these ideals, please join us.

Join PAA-DC Chapter Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Parents-Across-America-DC/150801341651554?sk=wall

or the PAA-DC Yahoo listserve http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ParentsacrossamericaDC/

Yes, you can play with sticks....

We let kids play with toy guns,

and play video games based on death and destruction,

YET, we somehow justify a restriction on sticks

..............as if they were a symbol of pure violence.

Sticks are simply THE most amazing boy toys,

they can become anything, anything at all.

In an instant,

it's a sword,

a spear,

a laser beam,

a fishing pole,

a broom

a horse

a magic wand

a magic anything

Suddenly with a stick you are a royal king,

in a kingdom all your own.

Set some guidelines and allow

allow

allow

sticks back into your child's world......

Childhood is can't be magical without it.

Can I bottle up this moment for all time?

When you plan on having kids there is one thing you don't really think about or plan for, it's how these kids will interact with each other. You might have SOME idea of what this will be like, but since you have no idea the personality of your future children, it's impossible to be sure.

On that note, one of the most amazing 'bonuses' of having 2 kids has been this very fact; the interaction between the two of them. Yes, 90% of the time they spend their together arguing about totally insignificant things and these arguments literally can making my hair turn white. But every once in a while something happens, something that makes all the bickering about he-said/she-said or the never ending it-was-mine arguments absolutely worth it.

Today, before bedtime, Nora expressed wanting to read on her own. Being three, she pretends to read plenty. We think it's cute and just play along, except for Luke. Generally, it bothers him that she gets accolades while all along she is not yet reading. This night though, instead of the usual "That's not what it says Nora!", Luke decides he will take it upon himself to TEACH her a few things, real words. My ears perked up and I had to look up from my blogging on the couch. He goes to get a book and starts teaching Nora how to write the word 'cat'. Once she finished writing a beautifully executed 'CAt, he looks at it and adds in Chris' voice, "Now you need to write the word in lower case Nora, let me show you." I wish I can bottle up this moment for all time and come back to it whenever I wish throughout the rest of my days.....thank goodness for cameras....Thank goodness for for all the past bickering, for it makes this moment all the more special. I feel so blessed.

Above you see Nora's 'CAt' and then she 'practiced' writing lower case 'a' twice. That was Luke's curriculum lesson for the day.

Yes, we are rich.....

I was having a conversation with a mom friend a few weeks back and she asked how do parents with little means compete with parents who essentially have the large sums of money to supplement their child's education with all sorts of 'extras', such as clubs, activities, or personal tutors.

I answered her, that you don't compete.

To give some background, I live and work in a fairly affluent community where homes are worth way too much for my hubby and I to ever afford, and so we rent a tiny two-bedroom apartment in the neighborhood instead. Which works out perfectly, for now I am able to save ten hours a week on commuting, which translates to two extra hours with my family a day.

As a parent of limited financial means myself I have never equated my lack of millions with somehow limiting what I am able to provide for my children. In fact, I believe my hubby and I are giving our kids a very 'rich' life despite our financial limitations. We provide them with one of the most important and rich factor there exists in parenting; our time. By the mere fact that we spend time with them (cooking, reading, lecturing, chatting, playing with them) it sends a clear message to their little heads that they are worth spending time with, and that is by far a much, much richer gift to any child than years of club-like activities, tutors and college savings rolled into one.

Don't get me wrong. I don't believe in the idea of the 'self-sacrificing parent who gives up their own lives and livelihoods for their children's benefit. That is not the parenting style I am advocating here. In fact, I do a lot of the things I love still; I sew, I paint, I cook, see friends, travel. The big difference is that I do it alongside my kids. Yes, it takes a lot more work to set up paints for three, or travel with kids, or to figure out ways to get them 'helping' you in the kitchen....but the trade-off is that they get that rich time with you......and the whole time they are learning the MOST valuable lesson of all.....'YOU are WORTH spending time with'.

Now, I have not done studies on this or anything, all I have are my own life lessons to reflect upon, but my guess is that your time alone will give them super self-esteem, a gift they carry with them throughout their lives. This might mean better choices in life partners down the line, healthier eating choices, more balanced social interactions, higher level of self-reflectiveness, happier grow-ups, and it might even carry over to making them better parents. All that finding-our-place-in-the-world garbage we all go through growing up will be greatly diminished.

So you see, there is simply no substitution for qualitative time with parents. I reject the paradigm thinking of rushing to beef-up our kids' club resumes as a means of getting them ahead somehow. Understand, I am not against clubs. Our own kids will join activities and clubs as they wish, when they are ready. Nevertheless, utilizing activities and clubs as a 'means' of getting them 'ahead' of others academically is pure myth. If qualitative time with you (the parent) is not pencilled in the schedule, all the other efforts will add up to nothing in the long run.

On starting the day with a CLEAN SLATE!!

One of the most important thing to remember as a teacher and a parent is that every new day is a clean slate. Kids are incredibly sensitive people that pick up on the even most minute negative energy coming from an adult and to know that any past mishaps are forgiven and forgotten is so essential in being able to move forward. I know this because I remember just knowing my 'place' in the class based on my teacher's actions. I remember being in a shy and quiet 4th grader, an English language learner, struggling at home and at school, and knowing instinctually how my teachers felt about me from the ever so subtle bits and fragments of social cues I picked up from them. As young people we learn to weave together bits of action clues from the grown-up world and interpret all those actions into some kind of kid-friendly truth by which we then build our world and our own truths.

Yesterday, in the heat of being placed in time-out for having bothered his sister for the 4th time, my 6-year old son yells out how he loves dad a 'billion' times more than me. I have heard comments such as these before and I know how meaningless they are coming from an angry, out-of-control child being placed in time-out. But this time, those words stopped me in my tracks. I made sure he did not get the satisfaction of seeing me crumble, but inside I was stung, I was hurt. I emotionally pulled inside for a few hours while we drove around looking at houses (we are house hunting) and all along I knew what the right thing to do was, it was just hard to get there as my hurt struggled to close him off emotionally. From knowing the science of pain and suffering, I knew and trusted that the sting of those words would fade from my body in time and that I would not feel this hurt for long. As the Buddhists explain, pain is just an energy force that run through our body. I was going to not react until it faded.

As I knew it would, at around bedtime the words have lost their sting and I felt the hurt leave me, I felt lighter already. I pulled my son aside and told him how hurt those words made me feel and that dad and I loved him so much, and how special he was to us, and how being our first child, he was first imagined in a wish between dad and I. I then reminded him how people's hearts are delicate and easily broken and that words are very powerful tools that can cause great pain or great happiness. He apologized, kissed and hugged. He felt good that he could fix something and I felt great that I could let go and breathe....

As I walked back to bed with true peace back at my side I was reminded of Tyler Perry. I am a HUGE Tyler Perry fan. In his movies he emphasizes that forgiveness is not for the perpetrator, forgiveness is for us, it helps the victim.....and in his words, "There's nothing like real forgiveness, a deep-down forgiveness ..." . How true those words ring tonight.

How to still paint around kids

Trying to live a creative life and having kids is not easy. But making art is so incredibly important to maintaining my sanity and well being that I figured a way to do it....with my kids. We have this huge blanket we use for the floor, get all our supplies and we each get out palettes, brushes and colors. If each person (no matter their age) has what they need, they will get busy and let you work.

Here above is Nora's canvas. She uses the same one each time. It changes each time. The texture on it now is quite thick. I am working on a series that uses paper to build texture. They both have adopted my style and morphed it a bit. Interesting to see them follow their own ideas yet still pull some ideas and inspiration from my work.
Above is Luke's work. Not finished. He loves to build very think layers of paper. When it dries it feels more like a sculpture and he paints it. To him the mounds signify 'rocks'; an obsession of his. Will post pictures of most recent colors and textures soon.

Following our own advice to our kids might actually help US!!

Problems are everywhere. You talk to anyone and surely they are in the middle of some difficult issue in their lives, a tough decision they need to make, or a tough change must be implemented, etc. No matter what your status is in life you cannot escape the turning of the 'wheel of fortune'. Some days will be easy, some days will be like walking in peanut butter.

I had a very tough week this week. Every turn I made seemed to create a larger negative affect. The more I tried to dig myself out of my funk the more I seemed to drown in it. I was trying desperately to go back to homeostasis yet the more I tried the more I drowned in discomfort. While going through this, I reached out several times to my trusty Buddhist philosophy. In Buddhism you are encouraged to be with the discomfort and not fight it. Pain and discomfort is seen as mere balls of energy going through a predictable path, a path that will evade and fade away. Instead of utilizing valuable energy trying to make it all just go away, I should have just sat with it and allowed my toughs to settle and allowed my mind to see my problems for what they were; nothing.

In retrospect, It's obvious that I have a lot of work to do implementing the teachings of the Buddha for I still react no different than my kids do in times of stress. I have two young kids, ages 3 and 6. Every once in a while (or more frequently) they argue about very absurd things. Absurd to me of course. Obviously, to them, what they argue over is so important and seemingly central to their survival here on earth that it must be resolved that very moment. The grand dramatics around their arguments is so intense and so fierce that a neighbor might just think they are being beaten to a pulp. Yes, all this ruckus over maybe a wooden block of which we have dozens of, or some other insignificant item that was on its way to the trash perhaps. But in analyzing my own actions this week, I too am trying so hard to not feel the discomfort that I make it twice as difficult to get out of the discomfort. I should at these times take to heart the advice I offer my kids and (1) have them "take a deep breath", and to (2) "think about how just a few minutes ago you were fine and you could not possibly be dying".

Be like Water

Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. ...-Bruce Lee

I am not one of those adults that you meet who gripes about their youth not being a bed of roses. I can certifiably say that I would not want to go back to my childhood, but that does not mean I would want it erased either for such lessons learned from such experiences have opened so many new doors that it almost feels like part of the grand plan of my life; as if it was all meant to be just so.

Growing up, I quickly learned that sometimes the authority figures everyone admires and adores are not the saints they are painted to be. I witnessed these scenarios enough to know that not all truth that is put out there IS truth; not all that we see, hear or told is truth. As a grown woman I could not be more thankful to such experiences for it has allowed me to connect with what we all call 'the underdogs' in every situation. These peaks into the secret lives of seemingly benign individuals has forced me to disconnect from their ideas and beliefs and propelled me to keenly develop an inner world in which I rely heavily on my instincts, my own experiences and own inner voice; but most importantly my own understanding on any given situation.

So when navigating through a political situation for example, there are people who advocate for themselves and ones who advocate for the larger whole. I have come to see that people who advocate for the greater good have often been the 'underdog' themselves. People who take a more humanistic approach to all interactions tend to have experienced hardship and suffering in their lives and have somehow 'worked through it'. I have also come to notice that people who have experienced hardship, and have not proactively dealt with it emotionally fall under the category of the ones who advocate for themselves.

So as a parent, I want my children to also adopt this unique humanistic approach towards other humans without going through all the same hardships. In order for them to develop this flexibility of spirit and this ability to work past even the smallest of hardships, we ourselves must not define or label ourselves by the pain we have suffered. We also must show enormous flexibility and poise when dealing with simple everyday problems. I once had a student who told me she loved her dad because he volunteers at a homeless shelter. Children have this innate ability to absorb and utilize all situations in their world as learning experiences, share with them all your tools in your toolbox. Before you know it, they will too be brave, speak up for the weak and fully believe they have the ability to change their world.

Take BLISS when it comes...the rest can wait

We only have now,

This minute.

I look into your eyes,

Smell your breath as you come in for one of your ever-so-soft princess kisses.

I drift off thinking about the woman you will be one day,

strong,

determined,

outspoken.

I know there is so much more to you than your 27 pounds

attempting to taking it all in

now

Not drifting to the past or the future

feel a tinge of anxiousness

struggling to focus you while also trying to secure the future

and bring back the past

On the picture on the wall I see you smiling back at me

only a few months old,

and wonder,

how did we get HERE so fast?

I fear I may blink again and you will be graduating

or moving out

or getting married

I take in a deep breath and again focus on your perfect tiny face

smiling

Ironically I missed half of what you said while worrying about missing 'this'

Ultimately, all we DO have is now

this minute

this cuddle

I take another breath and this time I am here

with you my most precious gift

no one else exist but us two

I'm listening to your humorous voice, taking in your smile and breathing in your soft hair.

Bliss.

Lost and Found- A mother's answer to all life's problems

Is loving everyone possible?

I watched a show tonight about a man who killed another for no other reason than the fact that someone higher up in his gang told him to

Would this man have done what he did had he known the man since birth, or been his mother?

The world is made up of people with all kinds of set ideas

Ideas are walls that separate us all

I feel that having become a mother I have hit on a limitless source of love that has the potential to help us all save ourselves

My love for this babe is so deep so selfless, all things are clear in its light

If we knew each person as a mother knows her child we might accomplish peace everywhere

next time you feel negative towards others become their mother in your mind

any irritation, frustration and difficulty dissipates when we connect with others on this level.

Lost and Found

Although your tiny body lays sleeping, oh, so softly

Your gifts are monumental

From the moment I held you

Every cell in my body understood and just knew

How could I have been so blind?

The seminal secrets of humanity have always been and continue to be...all around me

I kneel and cry in pure awe as the wise whispers of your coos continue to empty me until I am just you, your words, your sounds, your smell

In this love, I don't exist but to be with you and for you

I am lost never to be found again

heaven IS being able to care for you

always.