New Year's Resolution - 2015 Here I come!!

* Write in my blog more often
* Get my art resume updated
* Run your own race. 
* Sign up to NYC and Marine Corps Marathon lotteries and Sign up to Rehoboth Marathon and North Face Endurance again! 
* Don't try to fix everyone's problems, let people live out their choices on their own....
* Be more conscious with money PLEASE!
* Find other ways to give gifts that does not require $, bake for them, help them out, cook them a dinner, listen to them....write them
* Trust your first impressions, they are almost always right on target, stop doubting yourself so much
* More morning runs (Please, catch more sunrises this year)
* Continue to floss EVERY day.....(I have bad teeth, okay!)
* Reach out to all people who matter.....stop wasting precious time thinking you have time....we may not
* When with the kids, live in the moment...soak it in. They are only young once. Cuddle with them as much as possible....soon it will be uncool to even cuddle. 
* Assume the best first, always.....going to the worse conclusion first makes me into a bitter person
* Forgive, forgive, forgive....seriously, let go of those unhelpful thoughts and get over the small stuff....forgiveness heals the forgiver
* Be the best and most supportive great-auntie ever!!! woot woot!
* Pray more, pray with my kids, be open about what you pray for ...encourage them pray too.
* On Facebook: no more than 10 minutes a day...live life, don't spend most of it watching others live theirs. 
* Make art daily....it does not have to be the next solo show.....just make art, it makes more happy thoughts, happy moments. 
* Time to close the thought door to some folks who have caused pain in the past, and are still populating my mind...good bye already! 
* Get rid of clothes you do not wear....donate them....gift them away
* Place all art I make, no matter how small, on Etsy....just a year experiment.....let's see what happens...
* Read some of my blog posts to my kids.....I realize they don't know that side of me. 
* Take more family portraits....stop being the photographer always....kids need to see more of mom in the albums. 
* Help kids with their BIG ideas, no matter how silly they seem at first. Encourage their BIG dreams by providing what they need to make it happen....(but don't become the primary driver of them. )
* Be present with kids...get off the damn computer already and be PRESENT!!! 
* With hubby, don't hang things over his head if something did not really bother me.....be unpredictable for once and just let it go. 
* Water.....drink more water.....maybe get a water bottle that works 
* Continue more art playdates with whomever wants to make art AND deal with my kids at same time
* Run without music once in a while....don't be afraid to hear breathing for an hour.
* Let inspirational people inspire you, and if possible, let them know just how much they affect you
* Volunteer with kids....make it count
* When the kids want to do something, make time to do it.....fully
* Write letters.....and send them
* Leave for work on time.....allows you to drive safer
* Kiss kids and hubby every day before work
* Hug kids more.....lots and lots of hugs a day
* Cook better dinners damn it.....how about COOK dinner?
* LISTEN to what is not said....try to listen to all that is being expressed
* Tell each child what they are good at on a social-emotional/ personal level.....(not academics, or club talents)
* Clean up apt. more often so kids can have friends over more. Come up with a sustainable clean-up system
* Invite more people over to dinner

Moving Beyond Seeking Approval...

             Growing up is tough. I use to need, crave, and work super hard for approval from all those around me. The focus was never about me and my needs, but it was more always about getting that "stamp of approval", and at all costs.  To worsen it, when you get those around you used to you being this "flexible" (to put it mildly), they soon learn to use their approval (or non-approval) to sway your actions. Altogether, I've learned that being so needy takes a heavy toll on any relationship. This week, I realized I was finally free of this need to be anointed the ever-important stamp of approval, of wanting to be on good terms with those around me at all costs. While, yes, I do, of course, want peaceful and civil relationships with those around me, I do not need any relationship to be in perfect balance for me to be fine. I now know that simply because someone chooses to withdraw their affections towards me that it does not mean I necessarily NEED to do anything.  Well, oops, that is not entirely true. I do DO something. For example, if someone says something hurtful, I may emotionally retreat, I may need to re-define what my specific needs of this person are....but what I now realized is that I do not need to directly or engage with someone else's conflict. This may be 'small potatoes' for some of you, but to me this is incredibly liberating. I guess you can say I've officially 'flown the coop'. 

What I've learned in my 40's

I just read this awesome article called, "What you learn in your 40's" by Pamela Drukerman and decided, heck, I can make my own list of what I learned in my 40's...(Mind you I am only 41, but, a very mature 41 I'd say....so, here it goes...

1. I learned that having lots and lots of friends is not any better than having a few great friends. Definitely, quality over quantity when it comes to friendships in our 40s. I find myself pairing down my facebook friend list, rather than trying to build it up.

2. When people reveal themselves to you now, I believe them. I not only believe them, I remember it and act on it. You can be an meanie once to me, but, to get a second chance after an offence, it is almost impossible.

3. I stay FAR away from characters. By that I mean anyone that just talks for talk's sakes, or people who care far more about their social image than simply being themselves. "Characters" have a way of prioritizing on their image and should not be trusted, ever. Their insecurities are so intense that any day you can find yourself under a bus.....not a real bus....

4. I listen to whatever tunes I like now. Years back I might have been seeking tunes that carried a certain embedded identity, but these days my playlists are so eclectic, there is no rhyme or reason to them...One thing's for sure, nothing stays on that list unless I love it.

5. I see young people making mistakes and saying things that sound utterly out of this world and I try hard not to say a peep and just let them be. I was young once too, and man, the things that would come out of my mouth make me cringe to this day......In my youth, I might have wanted to correct them, but now, I simply try my best to allow the young to be young, say the crazy things they will say and and pretty much let them be....correcting them will not do any good, plus it would take energy to do that

6. External validation is not so urgent in my 40's. I have found ways to validate my own successes personally and feel very independent of others', proverbial, "pat on the back". You can say what you want to say, or not.....but, I am much more emotionally self-sufficient and will work hard to follow my own path.

7. I am a much better listener. Possibly due to the fact that I am not jumping around like a chihuahua anymore looking for validation, I am now able to just sit back and allow people to share their stories with me. I love to hear people's stories, they are like mini-novels full of surprising twists and turns. Unfortunately, I have found there are very few real good listeners out there. Surprisingly, even close friends forget to ask questions of one another.

8. Cool is what I say it is, totally subjective. Cool is no longer dictated by my female buddies, or magazines, or TV, or celebrities. Cool has its own unique flavor seasoned by me....no one else.

9. My politics have become a lot more solid and clear in my 40's. Whereas in our youth we fear offending others with our strong opinions, in our forties, we secretly want to repel all people who disagree with us away from our circle so as to make our lives drama-free. General rule of thumb here is, "You don't like my politics? then unfriend me, walk away....run away....please! This old dog ain't changing".

10. In our 40's we vote with everything we do. We vote with our friendships, we vote with what we teach our children about the world, we vote with where we shop, what we eat, what we wear, whom we buy our clothes from, even where we work or whom we choose to grow old with. I am not sure about men, but with women, there is a certain fearlessness that takes over in our 40s. We become more pointed and purposeful in everything we do.

I can pretty much claim I am having a blast!!

What have you learned in your 40's?