One benefit to running.....

I have now been running since July of last year and there have been many benefits to adding running to my daily routine. Today I am going to only talk about one of those benefits; its ability to teach you how to handle discomfort more gracefully. 

On any given run one comes across killer hills, sudden leg cramps, even slight discomforts that may come, yet, within just a few blocks all is back to normal again, this may happen several times in a run and at the end of each discomfort everything always feels just fine....a few blocks later. Similarly, in my daily life, I have noticed that when I come across annoying, uncomfortable and mood-altering situations in I now react to them much differently than I did before running entered my life. I know that with time, anger, moodiness, contempt will all pass and I'll be fine. All that's required is full, unquestionable acceptance of the negative mood (not fighting it) and patience. 

Last week I woke up moody, I went through the whole morning with this added heavy cloud hanging over me. Typically, needing to rid myself of the discomfort of this bad mood, I would have either started a fight with my loved ones, or would have turned every situation to some negative result where I would have to later dole out apologies of all sorts. This time though was different, I chose instead to simply allow the dark mood to live in me as long as it needed to be there, that I would not fight it. I treated the negative feeling like a ball of bad energy that would soon fade to nothing and leave my body. Sure enough by the evening I was fine, the cloud had lifted, the mood had left my body as trusted it soon would. I felt so incredibly proud of myself for I came out of one of these moods unscathed. In the past I would have surely done some damage along the way in my attempts to rid myself of the discomfort of the bad mood. Not this time. This time, I had not gotten into any fights with anyone, I did not snap at anyone, I did not even negatively react to the many normally annoying situations that popped up on any given day. 

I see running as the Universe's gift to me this year; I simply cannot imagine my life without it. The benefits that running have brought to my life in just 6 months are so numerous and so amazingly life-changing that I cannot help to want to try and convince everyone of them....

We need heroes to help us figure out who we want to be....

In trying to teach my 6-year-old son about flexibility, a philosophy very much at the heart of Buddhist teachings, my husband and I often talk to him about 'the kind of person you'd like to be' and how that is inextricably connected to your actions, your words, your thoughts. 

This week I find myself bracing these very simple advice as I attempt to navigate lots of intense personal decisions. My decisions are made easier by weighing each decision against the ideals of who I aim to be. But where do these ideals become come from? I find that only in experiencing our own personal heroes are we then able to firmly know what we aim to become. Who are your children's heroes, who are yours?

My heroes: (not in order of importance)

Monique: Monique was a woman I worked for as a teenager. I cleaned her house and helped her with her garden. But she was much more than an employer. At a time when there was amazing turmoil in my home her house was a sanctuary from all that. Personally, she also saw something in me that I did not think existed in me at the time; beauty. I aim to be every child's Monique every day. I want to show every child their own beauty and worth and treat them with that same level of respect I received from this friend who has long passed. 

My mommy: My mom has to be the most creative and inventive woman I know. There is nothing this woman cannot do or learn to do. I also greatly admire her ability to envision what she wants and to make it happen. Every time I have moved into a new place I have been able to use those same skills to envision my future space and not rest until my vision and the space matches. I have seen my sister do this as well, so I know we both have this gift from her. 

My husband: In trying to respect my hubby's privacy, I'll just say that he's never given me bad advice. He's a great example of how if you surround yourself with wise people, with pure and loving intentions only great things can happen. 

My Friends: I have amazing friends from all walks of life, all ages, whom I deeply respect. Each have such strong, varied and positive qualities, I love each one dearly. From each I take away what I admire and emulate some of their ways and ideas into my life. 

Some others: I have tons of other heroes in my life....Naomi Wolfe, author of The Beauty Myth, a life changing book. Katie Byron, another author of life changing books. Howard Zinn, the historian who recently passed away, he is such an inspiration.  

All that I like about these people live within me for the qualities I admire in them come together to create an image of who I aim to be.....who do you admire?

Who would you be without the house and the car and the name brands?

The top reason I am drawn to the Buddhist philosophy of looking at life is because it asks difficult questions that force you to accept yourself at a much more genuine level. Unlike other philosophies or religions that train you to look outward for answers and 'add-on' or change qualities to your existing self for 'salvation', Buddhism is all about shedding, letting go, simplifying, accepting your genuine self. One such question is, "Who would you be without _________?" set of questions. Who would you be without that car?, Who would you be without that house? Would the entirety of who you are hold up if tomorrow you had nothing but yourself?

In raising my kids I try to think of ways to get these ideas to them in kid-friendly concepts. I think in teaching them to not value themselves through external qualities, such as materialistic goods or even grades, I save them a lifetime of suffering. Daily I encounter people who verbally and openly flaunt their external goods, blindly assuming the whole world will equate the value of these goods to them personally. I want my kids to know they never need to put on a song and dance to show the world that they are worthy of adoration.

Difficult Conversations - Setting boundaries we can live with

I have always hated difficult conversations. You know, like the one where you tell a friend he hurt your feelings, or the one where you might tell a coworker about an issue that needs to be mutually resolved. But the more I 'grow up' the more I find these difficult conversations an integral part of setting social guidelines as well as an essential key in establishing one's self respect.

I grew up being taught not to 'shake the boat'. As a child, I learned by watching my family that the right thing to do was excuse yourself when offered food or drink by a host. "Oh, no, I don't need a drink " or 'no thanks, I JUST ate" were the standard responses, regardless of whether it were true or not. In the process of becoming an adult I aimed to be more deliberate and logical about my choices and not have them simply be an opposite reaction to the way I was brought up. Part of this process has been addressing difficult issues that come up head on; regardless of its awkwardness level, regardless of how that might affect the relationship. A good friend once told me that 'you teach others how to treat you'. Taking that first step and directly addressing miscommunications and social issues as they come up is an integral part of teaching others how to treat you. The two are inextricably connected.

Having had many of these difficult conversations in my short life, I am painfully aware of the relationship between the purity of the intentions behind the words and its effectiveness level. There is no doubt in my mind that the effectiveness of the conversation is only equal to the purity of the intention behind the words exchanged within that conversation. For example, have you ever had an argument with someone and you just wanted to sting them with your words? I have. It felt great at the moment, but the argument only led to more anger and pain and ultimately after doing this several times you learn that nothing comes from breeding negative intentions and spewing hurtful words. Yet, if your intention derives from a good and honorable place, the results are bound to be more pleasing. You still may have hurt feelings, but at least on your end you know you operated from a place where hurting the other side was not the primary goal.

The world is not a perfect place. And as the Buddhists say, the only thing that is predictable is that everything is unpredictable. Expecting life to go smoothly, and for people around us to always just know what to do and how to behave is a bit of a tall order in a world where not one person is like another. We may not be able to control the outside world, but we should absolutely know ourselves enough to respect our own personal boundaries and speaking up for ourselves by having those difficult conversations.

Other's negative assumptions of you.....

No matter how hard you try to live in 'right-action' with others, some people are not always going to assume the best of your intentions, so what do we do? Do we try and try to convince them of the purity of our intentions, or do we leave it alone and hope it fixes itself?

What I have found in relationships is that in most cases, when faced with uncertain set of facts, most people will take the easy route and just assume the worse. In having experienced this a couple of times I have made a decision a while back to not worry about how my actions are perceived, but to simply do what's best with the knowledge I have and with the best intentions, and let all other 'cards' fall where they may.

In most cases the people who assume the worse about others from the beginning actually prefer the negative dialogue they have in their head to facts. It might be a protective mechanism they use to assure they do not get hurt. They might also jump directly to the worse conclusion about you if they do not like you. These people may be 'waiting in ambush' for some action on your part to misinterpret. I both cases, when a dubious action of yours comes their way, they pad and weave together some clever set of thoughts about you and rationalize the negative conclusions. When this happens the best thing to do is walk away, far away. Ultimately, breaking someone else's negative assumptions about you are not your responsibility or within your power.

I have come to trust through experience that the plain truth of our actions and of who we clearly are will be revealed through the passage of time only. Bad assumptions are better left alone; trying to dispel them is futile and may only serve to further feed the wrong assumption.

Burn Ego, Burn

Part of the gems of growing older is being able to painfully see and experience the asshole nature of your younger days. I encounter people or situations that make me think twice about someone's sanity, and ask myself, "Oh my, was I THIS way at their age?". Most often than not, I absolutely was!

One aspect of my younger years of which I am least proud of is my cockiness. Oh, how foolish I must come across in front of my older peers; it's painfully embarrassing even today to recall all the ways I made a fool of myself. The one huge failure of all graduate schools might be their utter inability to teach students humbleness and respect for hard-earned experience; in essence to keep your feet on the ground. Out of graduate school I stumble onto the workforce armed with an dangerous and irrational dose of overconfidence and total disregard for real life, in-the-trenches learning. I walk into my first real job filled with assumptions about everyone and everything. I assume I hold the answers to all problems. Yet, the most damaging assumption I bring with me is the one that thinks I know more than even the parents about their own children. Mind you, all these assumptions are not consciously expressed, they are tacitly demonstrated through my actions creating all sorts of havoc and painful learning experiences coaxing me 'gently' back to the proverbial ground.

The dilemma now in being slightly older is 'what do you do when you someone that reminds you of your cocky self years back?' Do you gently bump them to reality? or do you allow them to just be? I have to admit that the painful learning experiences I received as a result of being too cocky have caused me a great deal of confusion and pain initially, and it's only over a decade later that I have begun to see their true value in my life; only now am I able to be thankful for them as a vehicle for higher inner growth. So to try to bump them to reality is essentially placing yourself in a very negative space with this person for a long time. Cocky people (and I can say this having been one) have a very hard time being 'made' to touch the ground.

Nevertheless, the dilemma begs to question, what is the right thing to do in terms of these people in social situations? My general impulse is to run, not walk, away from these people and seek more even keel, sane social situations. In trying to battle with this I often ask myself, what would the all compassionate and loving Buddha do? Perhaps he'd say that to walk away is again a result of my own inner cockiness and absolutely NOT a decision filled with compassion and love. In Buddhism, attempting to change an external aspect of the world is always held under the umbrella of 'suffering'. Therefore, most likely, Buddha would not advocate addressing the issue in hopes of changing the 'other'. On the other hand, I am almost sure he'd say that I have tons more to learn about me and being around this person is just the solution to even deeper inner growth. Perhaps my lesson to learn here is that I have so much to still conquer and learn about how my OWN mind works. My inner self tells me that If walking through a room full of pompous, cocky young people still bothers me still, I MUSt have lots more ego to burn still. Time to get to work Miriam!

We CAN create our own MEANINGFUL rituals

There is a great Buddhist story that teaches about our human ability to choose meaningful rituals for ourselves. The story takes place in a Buddhist monastery. The monks are meditating and they hear a cat meowing loudly. This happens every time they are mediating so the monk in charge orders that all cats be tied up before mediation begins and let go right after. Years later, this 'practice' had become rolled and enmeshed into how the monks do their meditation, that it became routine to find a cat, even when none was meowing, and bind him before any mediation was to begin. No one knew quite why this was, only that it was part of their sacred ritual.

I think of this story and ask myself, what do I do daily that's a ritual, yet carries no true and genuine purpose? The first thought that comes to mind are the roles we play. Through TV, media, parents, books, we come to learn and understand that there are certain 'roles' we become part of in life, roles as mothers, as friends, as partners. We strap on these sets of preset expectations and do not see the unnecessary weight they carry in our every day lives, in all our decisions. We essentially become trapped by them. In some ways these roles are like walls to the world. They become like cold shields, protecting us from the world outside.

In my opinion, the institution of marriage carries the most sets of expectations often creating much unneeded suffering to all involved. How many times have we thought "If only she loved me THIS way", or "If he could only really UNDERSTAND me". All this pain and suffering comes from a one-size-fit all expectations within a marriage. I will never forget having a discussion with my husband about him not being "demonstrative" enough. An argument I am pretty sure 90% of women have had with their spouse at one time or another. His response brought me quickly back to reality and allowed me to plainly see that love was flowing all along, just not in the wave length I was looking for. He said, "I talk to you, you don't see me sharing anything with anyone else do you?".

Institutionalized religions also has a tendency to carry within it routines and set of expectations that may also no longer be applicable to our lives today. A good example I encountered a few months back as a baptism I was photographing. During the baptism's reception, I come to find out that one of the godparents did not consider themselves 'religious' and that he had to go through an accelerated set of rituals to be godparent-ready. Would you consider these rituals this godparent has to go through a genuine and true spiritual awakening or a mere spiritually meaningless hurdle ? Obviously the majority find great and deep meaning behind the ritual, but for those who don't, shouldn't the priority be genuine belief?

A few years back I worked at an amazing school where most people often brought god, Jesus or the the church up in conversation. I absolutely did not and do not mind this type of interaction; I love discussing spirituality with anyone. What I did mind was the assumption that if I did not speak on spiritual terms, with spiritual words that somehow I was not in their same level spiritually, or that I must need to be saved. This assumption that somehow the absence of an outward expression of awe for the Infinite somehow translated to the absence of a spiritual center is a huge wall to the world. This is a great example of the unnecessary expectation carried on by certain roles. We should absolutely always question these assumption in order to see people and life clearer. Is talking about being religious really an essential part of being godly?

Following our own advice to our kids might actually help US!!

Problems are everywhere. You talk to anyone and surely they are in the middle of some difficult issue in their lives, a tough decision they need to make, or a tough change must be implemented, etc. No matter what your status is in life you cannot escape the turning of the 'wheel of fortune'. Some days will be easy, some days will be like walking in peanut butter.

I had a very tough week this week. Every turn I made seemed to create a larger negative affect. The more I tried to dig myself out of my funk the more I seemed to drown in it. I was trying desperately to go back to homeostasis yet the more I tried the more I drowned in discomfort. While going through this, I reached out several times to my trusty Buddhist philosophy. In Buddhism you are encouraged to be with the discomfort and not fight it. Pain and discomfort is seen as mere balls of energy going through a predictable path, a path that will evade and fade away. Instead of utilizing valuable energy trying to make it all just go away, I should have just sat with it and allowed my toughs to settle and allowed my mind to see my problems for what they were; nothing.

In retrospect, It's obvious that I have a lot of work to do implementing the teachings of the Buddha for I still react no different than my kids do in times of stress. I have two young kids, ages 3 and 6. Every once in a while (or more frequently) they argue about very absurd things. Absurd to me of course. Obviously, to them, what they argue over is so important and seemingly central to their survival here on earth that it must be resolved that very moment. The grand dramatics around their arguments is so intense and so fierce that a neighbor might just think they are being beaten to a pulp. Yes, all this ruckus over maybe a wooden block of which we have dozens of, or some other insignificant item that was on its way to the trash perhaps. But in analyzing my own actions this week, I too am trying so hard to not feel the discomfort that I make it twice as difficult to get out of the discomfort. I should at these times take to heart the advice I offer my kids and (1) have them "take a deep breath", and to (2) "think about how just a few minutes ago you were fine and you could not possibly be dying".

Spiritual Growth of the Difficult People

Sometimes you might run into a full fledged grown-up and based on their behavior you wonder about their self-reflective abilities and level of spiritual growth. I have recently stopped assuming that simply because someone is on this earth for a few decades that somehow they would have learned how to be a decent human being. In the not too distant past, I might have invested quite a bit of time and energy trying to figure out just why this person acted in such a manner or try to figure out just the right words or actions to bring them forward. I have come to learn the hard way that some of us need several lifetimes to get it together and most importantly, I have also learned to not wait around for people to change. This way of thinking has been incredibly liberating. It has released me from wanting anything from these people and has allowed me to able to coexist wonderfully amongst them without much suffering on my part.

So next time you run into a difficult personality. Do not worry about what to say, how to say it, or what way you could possibly do to influence this person in any way. Simply allow them to be just who they are. Allowing by no means is the same as tolerating. 'Tolerating' has a sense of 'holding one's breath'. Allowing, on the other hand, has a feel of mutually and peacefully coexisting within the same space. It means not wanting to change anything that's coming at you. It means simply accepting it. Work, live and exist around these difficult beings while also fully being yourself.

Spiritual and personal growth is a type of learning we do on our own time, driven purely by our own internal drive. It's not like school where you must learn a certain topic by a certain time frame or grade. No one sits with you and teaches you how to grow as a human being; it's a very lonely and innately individual path. Also, I must clarify that by spiritual growth, I do not necessarily mean 'religious'. I grew up around plenty of self-proclaimed 'religious' people who very obviously lacked some very basic self-reflective abilities required for true spiritual growth. By spiritual here, I mean a person who continuously assesses their own words, actions, interactions, and daily lives through their own self-constructed and constantly-evolving criteria.

It seems to me that people who have been through great suffering in life find and embrace spiritual growth more readily. I began reading Zen, Buddhist and Taoist teachings shortly after hearing about them in my world religions class in a Catholic high school. The words and texts felt like cool rain on a hot day. They rang true to me as no other teachings I have encountered since. They healed my wounds and helped me redefine me to myself by who I truly was and not through my past painful experiences. I know this might sound very odd after all I have been thorough, but I feel blessed everyday to have had such tough times, for I am who I am because of these struggles. The world IS perfect as it is and I am living proof of this fact.

Do I want my understanding or your approval?

Too often, in our quest to be 'good' we get too caught up in gaining the approval of others. I once heard a friend tell me she does not post her thoughts about her politics on Facebook for she does not want to 'offend' her friends. Now, that would only make sense if you were politically affiliated with some hate group perhaps, but I absolutely do not prescribe to such set of ideas. I cannot imagine straddling worries about what is going on within me, AND what is going on in minds external to myself; and try to control it.

I find that when dealing with people who may come from very varying paths as one you might encounter on a social media format it's best to be a single way with all of them and allow the balls fall where they may, with a huge emphasis on the word ALLOW. Spiritually, my journey calls for congruence of thought and actions to one's true self. This approach allows all other concerns about external consequences to our actions to just fall away, as if they never mattered at all. And they don't matter. People who may have their doors closed to you might never open them enough to see you as a good, valuable or an even decent person. Therefore, this 'ALLOWING' approach lets you still value your own voice, your own path, your own journey and most importantly, your own understanding.

The quest of a spiritual person should not be to achieve the ultimate set of good graces by others, or being thought of as saintly even. The goal of a spiritual being should be to (1) value their own journey and voice enough to not hesitate being themselves always and through that (2) allow others to also be where they are on their path without feeling the need to change them or reacting to them or their actions. I find this part of my spiritual journey particularly key in keeping me focused. my own journey is ultimately all that matters for I'm the one who has to live with myself.

You will always encounter people on our path who may be rude, aloof, unfriendly, or just plain mean spirited toward you . When this happens, I remind myself that I can only control what I can control and others' preconceptions of me are out of my hands. I have this saying that I think about every time I encounter a person who for whatever reason has written me off before they've even spoken to me. The thought is, "You'd love me if you knew me." Equally, in times when I experience a deep dislike of someone I do not even know, I also remind myself how I do not know this person and maybe once I knew them, I'd surely like them too.

My journey for example, has taken me so many places it would make your head spin. If my own humble path has an amazing story to tell, surely others' stories also carry just as many twists and turns and its own weight in learning experiences. As the saying goes, 'life is stranger than fiction'. You can live life open and allow others to teach you about humanity and yourself or you can live your life cushioned by your preconceptions with a proverbial wall surrounding your true self and learn nothing......the choice is yours.

I'll take the genuine me, imperfections and all

"Learn to be quiet enough to hear the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in others." -Marian Wright Edelman I think above all else in my spiritual path I seek to be ME. Not the cliche 'me' we learn about in self-esteem, self-help books or mix and match new age ideas. What I seek is the 'me' that is fully human, present and available to a common everyday world. Seems quite easy to toss it aside claiming it too elementary and almost overlook its irrevocable depth. On the contrary, it's secrets are monumentally revolutionary in nature and have the potential to affect world change. Imagine getting frustrated at someone and allowing yourself to actually walk the path of frustration without rushing to define it, or stuff it away, forcing yourself to feel something else incongruent to your very nature at that moment. I have abandoned long ago trying to change the world through telling people how to live their lives. Now my only aim is to bring comfort to people in my presence by simply being myself. From my own experience I have learned that most people are repelled or drained by unsolicited advice and lectures and that they do nothing to create change in my ways of thinking no matter how hard I may think I should. Yet, when I meet a person who is so comfortable in their own body that it oozes out of every pore, I am drawn by their actions and voraciously seek out their ideas, thoughts and story. Also, in their presence I also feel immediately at ease and yet they do not need to utter a single word, for their actions speak volumes. Remember, blindly trust that human beings have always been able to distinguish true brightness in human actions and that no verbal reminders are needed to solidify your credentials in people's minds. In the end, it's more meaningful and a longer lasting lesson to learn through example than through the guidance of someone else's words.

Listen to your feelings to find inner peace....yes, even ONLINE

I have come to learn that humans communicate in whole other levels aside from the basic forms of communication we know of, such as talking to one another or using body language to convey meaning. I have come to believe that there is a whole undercurrent of communication that happens that very often outweigh in helping us make decisions; big decisions such as whether to trust a person or not. Over the years I believe my ability to utilize this 'skill', if you may call it that, has become more and more trustworthy.

Often we feel guilty in allowing ourselves to feel repulsed by someone else's actions. For example a person might annoy us or rub us the wrong way and our immediate reaction is to 'turn the other cheek' or doubt the validity of our own feelings. We might suppress it and never once question why we actually feel annoyed. You CAN choose to literally respect your gut feelings or choose to do the total opposite and take a doubting stance towards yourself and suppress these feelings. But if we actually stay in the emotion as it arises we might learn something about ourselves. Perhaps our body's reaction to the situation is trying to tell us something about this person in relation to ourselves. I say "our body" for very often a feeling of simple annoyance comes with bodily reactions such a heart rate increase, or ever-so-minute muscle tightening, etc. Nevertheless, if we choose to look into it or the very least respect it, we might find that it might be better off not being around the person.

Lately, I've had to force myself to be, I guess you can call it "ruthless", on my social media sites such as twitter and Facebook due to my attempt to respect my reactions and my goal of purposefully aiming for peace in all my social relations. When situations, comments and/or dynamics create uncomfortable situations in my thoughts I listen tothese thoughts and to the way they make me feel. Now this is where being a mom has helped me save myself and has allowed me to better execute my goals for myself. Having 2 children now that I would simply die for in an instant has made me feel my own sense of worth and AWESOME power. If you have children you understand what I mean. A mothers' love is awe-inspiring to say the least. To give you some background, I grew up struggling with issues of worth and worthiness. Coming of age without a father around, who just happened to be alive and well, can do that to any young woman. But being a mother has given me back my power to value myself JUST as much as I value my kids. Therefore in valuing myself comes not allowing negative energies to invade your space. The discomfort I feel at any point in any interaction must be listened to, respected and acted upon if I am to find inner and outer peace in life; hence the ruthlessness with my social media sites as I would in real-life interactions. Just because someone is being rude on the computer does not mean it should be allowed. Listen to your discomforts too and CUT IT, cut it out fast and clean; in whatever form you see fit. Try it, you will see that your life too becomes much simpler too.

Buddhist beliefs about happiness

Buddhists believe that happiness and suffering arise from the mind. In particular suffering comes from negative minds called delusions; minds such as hatred, ignorance and craving. Happiness comes from positive minds such as love, patience and wisdom. By purifying the mind of its negativities and increasing its positive states we can attain increasingly happy states of mind. When the mind is completely pure we attain the ultimate happiness of enlightenment and become a Buddha.

information about Buddhism and image of word found at: http://www.meditationinliverpool.org.uk/HTML-Pages/About-Buddhism/Buddhist-Beliefs.html

first image above borrowed from: http://www.thethreadsthatbindus.net/innerdragonreiki.htm

Why do you need a nurse again?

I was watching TV before passing out the other night and ended up getting totally sucked into the world of reality TV, this one is called Bethenny Getting Married on Bravo. It's about

Bethenny Frankel, a NY Times Best Seller and Celebrity Natural Food Chef and her hubby whose name I did not get. I have never heard of her, but seemed interesting enough. In the show she is days from giving birth and she gets a visit from a friend who visits with a newborn and a NURSE.......yes, a nurse. Not a nanny, not an Au pair....a nurse.....NOPE, there is nothing wrong with the baby. They just can afford a nurse and therefore have one to help with the baby.

Fast forward a few minutes and Bethenny is at the hospital giving birth 5 weeks early and immediately that same day they hire the same nurse who she met earlier. The nurse will sleep in their NY apartment with them and help with the baby. This nurse got me boiling from the beginning when she opened her mouth and in giving mommy advice to B said something to the affect that nursing babies are more fussy than bottle babies. Yeah, if you want the baby out of your hair, yes, breastfeeding is more time consuming. You can tell in 2 seconds this nurse is all about practicality and convenience. Hey, but what do you expect, she is being hired to take over some or most mommy duties....

Now let's stop a big minute. What have we all come to? Do you really need a nurse to help you with the first few nights with your newborn? Now I know it's the hardest time you will ever have with your child. You are exhausted, you have just given birth, your body hurts. But to check out completely and abdicate your role to some stranger is just plain sad. I think of those first few nights with Nora (my second baby) at the hospital. It was my second unplanned cesarean and as much as they kept coming to get her from me, I kept asking for her to be brought back to my room. She needed me as much as I needed her. We were like two sleeping angels. All she did was nurse and sleep and all I did was cuddle her, change her, watch TV and spend hours looking at her beautiful face. It was a truly blissful recovery. No, it was not easy by any means. I had staples in my tummy, I could only move but so slowly, I was sad to have again 'failed' at a regular birth experience, but she made it all much easier.

When I watch shows like this I get reaffirmation that I am doing a good job as a mom. I spend time with my kids. You can give your kids the world from top to bottom. Cars, expensive phones, money, great clothes, but nothing, NOTHING compares to your company. They know they are worthy because you want to spend time with them. What IS sad though is that shows like this make TV watchers think this is the NORM or some ideal to aspire to.....Afterall she is a NY times Best Seller; she MUST know something right? As if one had enough money this would be something we should all aspire to....."If we only had enough money to hire someone to take this kid off my hands so I can live my life again".

These past few weeks of summer vacation I have been taking the kids out daily on what we call "adventures". During breakfast we discuss what we would like our day's adventure to be. It could be as simple as walking to the library or going on a tour of the pet store; nothing fancy. But during our adventure we chat, I teach, I break up arguments, scold, listen and laugh. It's not about just getting there, but it's about the journey too; the walk, the things we find on our way. Times like these I am so glad to be a Buddhist. It allows me to truly live in each moment and savour all these treasured fleeting moments with my family. Had I hired another adult to take over my role I would miss so so so much, plus they would not get the rich lessons that happen at any given teachable moment......and most importantly, a parent's company comes with a very, very special ingredient, LOVE.

All we have to do to know what is right and true is look back at our own childhood and ask ourselves what we most wanted at that time. I can assure you that at a very young age what you most wanted was to be with your parents......Bonding with other grown ups is great, but what will bring that sense of self worth as an adult, or a high self-esteem that will last a lifetime is knowing that they were worthy of your time and energy.

Quote from "Crazy Wisdom"

So I am having a blast reading Crazy Wisdom by Chongyam Trungpa.

"The most difficult discipline is to be what you are. Constantly trying to be what you are not is much easier, because we are trained to con either ourselves or others, to fit into appropriate categories. Whereas if you take all that away, the whole thing becomes too irritating, too boring. There's no room for talking yourself into anything. Everything is quite simple. "

According to tradition, Padmasambhava was incarnated as an eight-year-old child appearing in a lotus blossom in present-day Pakistan.

The king invited Padmasambhava to Tibet where he used his tantric powers to subdue the evil deities he encountered along the way, eventually receiving the Emperor's wife, identified with the dakini Yeshe Tsogyal, as a consort. This was in accordance with the tantric principle of not eliminating negative forces but redirecting them to fuel the journey toward spiritual awakening. In Tibet he founded the first monastery in the country, Samye Gompa, initiated the first monks, and introduced the people to the practice ofTantric Buddhism.

Even a Buddhist can Appreciate the Season...

This season I always miss being in my Catholic High School in NY. They always celebrated the Holidays with carol singing and the decorations filled the entire school. Interestingly, I do not think of myself as Catholic, or Christian but I still celebrate the season; plus I consider myself a Buddhist.....This last one really confuses people....."How could this be" "some might think. I have read several articles in which people mention this seemingly "watering down" of the real reason behind Christmas. I do not see this as a watering down of anything at all. I see my beliefs and traditions individualized to me and my needs. I actually see this as a break away from a way of thinking that often requires you NOT to think.

I love the Holidays, I love the colors, the lights, the camaraderie, the anticipation for great things to come and the giving. I do not feel any conflicts with the fact that my traditions might have once stemmed from a belief of the existence of a man believed to be the son of God; Jesus.....Perhaps to a devout follower of Christianity my form of spirituality might seem "watered-down", yet I cannot make myself follow beliefs I do not hold. Although I do strongly believe in a God and have witnessed enough miracles (and have had enough divine interventions) to know there is a divine order to everything we experience....I have a very hard time feeling the Jesus story....

I believe humans need rituals and celebrations and special days. For this, I love Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween. To me these days represent a day apart from the other in which we allow ourselves to be with one another in some form of harmony. I truly believe that because of the important role traditions play in all our lives, that even Atheists needs traditions.

Allow

Allow.....such a powerful and helpful lesson to reaching true happiness.

So many times a day I practice "allowing" that it finally seems a bit easier.

I allow the feeling of frustration to pass through me when I realize my alarm did not go off.

I allow my hubby to disagree even if it does not fit my idea of what I wanted him to think.

I allow my son to scream without seeking comfort in yelling back.

How many times we fight life and all its surprises?....We try so hard to change and shift our world to fit our idea of what the world should be that we forget that life is meant to be unpredictable and that fighting all this unpredictability only makes life harder and more miserable.

This is one reason I abhor movies about love. How finite and strict these movies have come to define love. They make it seem as if love ONLY comes dressed in candles, flowers, poems and wine and leave out the gamut of other styles of love that exist in the world. It begs the question, could there be love without flowers? without gifts? without poems? The movies would have you think not and setting you on a lifelong quest for prince charming. But prince charming might come dressed in any of thousands of forms. If attached to one finite idea of love, you might miss it all together.

So next time to meet a person who might not fit the "mark" of a prince charming....allow them to teach you about their style of love.

Katie Byron quotes I love right NOW!!!

My experience is that the teachers we need most

are the people we’re living with right now.

Oh, is this right! from co-workers to friends and all the way down to my kids.

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The whole world is simply my story,

projected back to me on the screen of my own perception.

All of it.

I absolutely believe that we all live in our own heads....often when we think people are mad at us or lash out at us, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with us.

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As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—

as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—

the situation is hopeless.

It means that you are forever in the role of victim,

that you’re suffering in paradise.

I had a very tough childhood. But I would not be who I am today without all that suffering. I would not have changed a thing for I love my life. We need to figure out ways to teach our children to take responsibility for their suffering and teach them how to enjoy life. No matter what tragedies occur, you are alive and THAT is the biggest gift of them all.

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Would you rather be right or free?

I would rather be free than right. There was time when being right was so important. As I get older peace and sanity mean so much to my well being. You can have the last word any day.

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Nothing outside you can ever give you what you’re looking for.

There was time when I was in love with being in love. I fantasized being in love and having this fictitious romantic love and THAT meant true happiness. I now fantasize being in love with myself and maintaining peace and love in my life within me.....HAPPINESS absolutely does not come from outside of us.

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That’s where the fear comes from—

from your un-investigated thoughts.

May one day our country become wiser in realizing that gay love does not threaten them, other religions do not threaten them, that countries that are communist does not threaten them......we cannot react out of fear.....

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