Highlights from Weekend in NY!

We went to NY to visit my family this past Halloween weekend. We leave DC at around 7 and get to NY at around 12am. The kids sleep the entire ride giving dad and I to actually have hours of uninterrupted conversation.....

The first thing we see....is the bed full of gifts. My mom does not go light on this. It's very much like Christmas. She's setting the bar pretty high for when I become a grandma.
This round Nora got fake princess makeup. Since she has never seen me put on makeup she had very interesting ideas on where this makeup should go on her face.
Luke got glow in the dark planets. Here are the three opening gifts. I love my mom. Seeing her with my kids just warms my heart and adds a whole new dimension to my love for her. I can't wait to be a grandma myself and be able to spoil my grand kiddies to no end.
Nora got a blue princess dress.....here is he first look at herself with new dress.
Heels......these are so funny on her little feet. Again, I hardly wear heels so this was quite special.
And what would a visit to grandma's be without sugar......I think they had more batter than brownies.

Mirtha invited us to see her K class in NYC. What an amazing class for an amazing Kindergarten teacher. I think I am buying a shelf like this for our blocks at home.
Mirtha and Senorita Norita....this class is a dream.

Luke loves parties...can you tell.
My little one knows how to celebrate.
Mirtha and Luke cutting the cake as if it were a wedding cake.....my mom even requested I take a picture....huh?
A heartfelt kiss indeed. Auntie Mirtha is THE best!
Nora and Eric getting in on a philosophical discussion about how the movie Waiting for Superman is pure propaganda.....just kidding. Eric sure knows how to get Nora worked up...
and cake....!!!
Nora getting her thoughts together as she adjusts her skibbies.
"wait....where's my cake....did I eat it all already? But I don't even remember enjoying it! "
Took hundred of these types....
To finally get a smile....sort of....
Mom and dad being silly.

Missing my 132 Crew....

Ms. Green is the one in the middle.

As I start a new year with a new community I am reminded of all the times I've been new.

There's the time I first moved back from South America at age 9 and did not speak a lick of English sitting at a NYC public school absolutely terrified, alone and miserable. I am also reminded of all the times I've been new at the many schools I've been blessed to work in and having those difficult few weeks adjusting.....Each time I've been more confident and less nervous.

Today I find myself at an excellent school and a strong community, but I find myself missing my old PS132Q; the school I left behind. I feel more confident than ever, yet I find myself yearning for the community I left behind. In thinking about it further, I come to see that certain people in that community are the ones that gave it a community feel. This revelation speaks volumes about the power just one person has in creating and shaping a community.

A great example of how one person can shape and create a community would be Ms. Green. Ms. Green was the 3rd grade teacher at the old school I taught at for 4 years and my dear friend and classroom neighbor. On days where I forgot to bring lunch I'd be surprised with a tupperware-full of soup she had made the night before. She would greet me every morning with a huge smile and went the extra mile to be there for everyone with advice and encouragement. No matter the circumstance, she always resorted to making good out of the situation and never once spoke negative of anyone of our colleagues; always gave people a chance.

I'd say being "Ms.Green-like" is my goal in terms of how I'd like to be within a community. I aim to be consistent, positive and free of judgement toward others. I aim to be true and congruent in all my words and actions. I will also most certainly aim to keep my core strong and not allow other people's drama to consume me in any way. But most importantly, I aim to be proactive in building a new community now, where I am, no matter how unnatural that may feel to me at the moment. This last goal is a hard one for me for I am initially aloof as a newbie. I've been told before that this attitude comes across as snobby, yet there's not an ounce of snobby in me; it's all just shyness.

I will open and allow and not close away my heart to new experiences and friendships. Instead of yearning the past, I will carry their diamond gifts in my heart and allow their gifts to help me flourish in this new place I will someday feel as "my home".

Two Days to a Bittersweet New Phase in Our Lives

2 more nights here in NY....my mom keeps hinting at being very upset over the fact that we are leaving her home. We've been living in an apartment below her house for 4 years now. All our 100+ boxes are packed and we are ready to move from here Tuesday night and start a new life. I suspect the first few nights will be hardest for my mom and step-dad who have been very intimately part of Luke's for 4 years now...and Nora has never known any life different than having the love of so many adults in our immediate family.

My sister and I set up a SKYPE account so that my mom and the kids could talk through online video for free. I suspect Nora will have it the hardest for she asks for my mom the minute she wakes in the morning and goes to the door, knocks on her door to wake Lela (grandma) in the mornings. Again, my stomach is in knots over the change....and I can't seem to feel better about it.

.

I know in my head that the change will do my family well. We need the space. Also, jobs are few and in between and I am lucky enough to get the job of my dreams (during such tough financial times )....I will be teaching art full time to kids AND to top that, get paid very well for doing it. The odds of that happening again are very few. In addition, my son (and later Nora) will go to a very good school with low teacher ratio and heavy parent involvement. But, the feeling that I am taking something wonderful and sacred away from both my mom and my kids that will not and cannot be replaced continues to haunt me?

I will have to live with this for a while and hope that it resolves itself in my heart in time. In Buddhism you are often asked to sit with the feelings and allow them to pass though you as if it were a ball of energy working itself through your body, like a sharp pain would. I am resolved not to fight this sadness, I will allow it to linger as long as it likes and and allow it to slowly pass through my body with the passage of time. I will trust what I have learned through these years, that it's often when we fight the uncomfortable feelings that we suffer even more. So I will continue to wake my husband nightly and share my worries, and my sadness.....

When Kyle, a dear dear friend took his life, it took me 2 years just to not cry over him every other day. Now I think of him and I can at least function. Knowing that even the worse of life's tragedies will be bearable with the passage of time helps me deal with my current tough issues and make me less fearful over change.

Working Through Mixed Emotions......

I am having mixed emotions about relocating....I'm not changing my mind...just struggling to feel okay about moving my kids away from their "Lela.." (Grandma)

In less than a month we leave my mom's house, where we've been renting the downstairs apartment for the past 4 years, to move 250 miles away.

Although what's pulling me is THE job of my dreams, incredibly better pay, and a great school system for the kids.....I am still aching for my poor mom who will very much miss my kids....and vice versa...

She's been with my oldest since he was 1 and my youngest has always had her around...

Both my kids adore her (and my step dad) and I can't help to wonder if this is a good move or not. It's hard to tell.

I am willing to give it time....a couple of years and then decide whether to move closer or back to NY.... or maybe even stay...right now the sadness is raw and the anxiety slowly building.....all these questions. Will my mom be okay? will the kids be sad? will they remember those cozy Saturday mornings running into grandma's room to giggle and cuddle? Am I taking something away that I can never give back? Will it be worth it?

The love of a child is incredibly powerful and in its absence it has a tendency to leave an almost unbearable emptiness. I cannot even begin to imagine my mom's first few days without the kids....the silence..the house void of mess, rid of all the toys, no sippy cups left out overnight....

I trust that time will heal these feeling and eventually I know my mom and step dad will get used to having their place back; without all the mess.....Also, my hubby and I will learn to raise our kids like most Americans, alone and without the help of extended family.....

More than ever, technology becomes important. E-mails, family blogs, Video CD, Skype.....I am going to teach them all I know about these mediums so as to try to keep connecting....I am hoping that love will prevail and that my kids still know just how much they matter to so many people aside from just my hubby and I....even if they do not see them every day...

Our Day Trip To The Empire State Building in NYC in Pictures

View of Pire from 86th floor observatory

Shadow of the empire on the city below

I was here in chinese.....JK....I can't read it.....but I think it's cool

The gals, Nora and Moi!

My two men, with their beautiful smiles. 

What a beautiful city....you can catch the curve of the earth....amazing!